


Innocence

by kitkat151



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fun, M/M, Melodrama, Out of Character, Romance, Slash, Yaoi, silliness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2009-07-19
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-23 23:26:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 32,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16168949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkat151/pseuds/kitkat151
Summary: L and Light are handcuffed together! Light is desperate to hide his feelings and L, well, he hasn't quite figured his out yet…





	1. Friday 23rd July 2004

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be writing one chapter for each day L and Light are handcuffed.  
> Closely following the manga, with a few essential differences for plot (i.e. I wanted to include Watari from the start and there is more interaction with Misa than in the manga, as I'm not planning a massive time jump.).  
> Warning: This story is melodramatic, fluffy and, necessarily OoC in places.  
> Enjoy!

“Is this really necessary, Ryuzaki?” Light asked as L snapped the cold metal cuff over his wrist.  _I wonder what people will think when we leave a hotel room handcuffed together?_

L shrugged. “I’m not doing this because I want to.”

Light wasn’t sure if he was imagining the enthusiasm in the detective’s voice.  _L, I know you still suspect me of being Kira, but how can this help? Why would anyone want to chain themselves to a murderer? How long will it take to prove my innocence? What if we never solve the case? Will he suspect me forever? He must have considered that. Even he can’t be certain we’ll catch Kira, or…_ Light sighed. _Is he convinced he’ll eventually find evidence linking ME to the murders? No. Even L isn’t that sure of himself. He must have considered failure. But then, why would he go ahead with this? He can’t intend for us to be chained together forever... can he?_

 

“Huh?!” Misa screeched. “This is what you meant by being together 24 hours a day? Two guys chained together is gross! This is what you’re into? You were with Light at school too.”

“I’m not doing this because I want to,” L said.   _It isn’t gross, is it? What does she mean ’this is what I’m into’? This is a situation I’ve got myself into I suppose, but I don’t see how it’s gross. It’s not like I’m going to enjoy living like this. I just want to be able to keep an eye on him._  L frowned.  _Is that wrong? Yes. No... I want to keep an eye on him because he might be, or might have been, or might one day become, Kira. There is nothing gross about a detective keeping an eye on a suspect - Even if it does mean being chained together 24 hours a day. Yes. I am 83% certain that Misa is overreacting. Light does not seem to be objecting, but then, Light’s intelligence is very near my own. I suppose he has thought through my reasoning…_

“But Light belongs to me,” Misa said. “And if you’re always together, then when am I supposed to go on dates with Light?” 

L sighed. Dates? He hadn’t thought of that. And did being in a relationship mean that the parties involved become the property of one another? L couldn’t imagine anything worse than belonging to someone… and what was involved in owning someone? Was it like having a pet? Was Misa now responsible for feeding Light and cleaning his litter tray? Surely this wasn’t the norm. But then, Misa was clearly obsessed... L scratched his left ankle with his right foot. Would Light be angry with him for ruining this strangely intense relationship? L looked up from his toes. Light seemed to be grinding his teeth.

 

Light clenched his fists, noticing the odd way his muscle tightened against the handcuff.  _Since when do I belong to anyone? Especially a gir Especially her!_ He tried not to let his confusion show. He was sure he must have had a good reason for going out with her, but he couldn’t think of anything that would justify putting up with her for so long. He could already feel a headache forming and she’d only opened her mouth thirty seconds ago.  _Why, oh why, doesn’t she just shut up already?_

“The dates will naturally be with the three of us,” L said.

Light inhaled through his nose and tried to picture the air circling around his skull and holding the headache at bay. If L was there the dates might not be so bad. Things were always better when L was around.

“Wha? You’re saying we have to kiss in front of you?”

_Eugh._  Light’s headache flared and his stomach churned at the thought of kissing her. Again.

“I didn’t say you have to do anything,” L said. “But I will be watching.”

“Huh? What the hell? I knew it! You are a pervert!” Misa said.  _God, she’s annoying._ Light tried to focus on the various ways in which he might get rid of her. Unfortunately, most of them were illegal.

“Light-kun,” L said. “Please shut Misa-san up.”

_Finally!_ Light was surprised L had put up with her babble for so long.

“Misa don’t be so difficult,” he said. “You were definitely the one who sent those videos; be grateful that you’re allowed this much freedom.”

“Hey, what are you saying, Light?” Misa looked up at him.  “I’m your girlfriend, right? Don’t you trust your lover?”

“Girlfriend?” Light snorted. “All I know is that you say you fell in love with me at first sight and now you won’t leave me alone.” He hadn’t meant to say it so bluntly, but it was all true and he didn’t know how else he could have worded it.

“Then you took advantage of that and kissed me?” Misa hit him, and Light’s clenched fists twitched.  _I only kissed her to shut her up! Not that it worked._

 

“About this love at first sight…” L said. He wasn’t sure why Light was allowing Misa to hit him repeatedly like that, but it was disturbing. He had seen cases in the past where obsessive relationships rapidly progressed into violence. Perhaps his keeping an eye on Light would at least protect him to some degree.

L spent the next few minutes questioning Misa about her relationship with Light, their meeting and her views on Kira. Her responses confirmed his belief that she was the second Kira, and that he was right to keep her under observation, especially now she had displayed such violent behaviour in front of him. 

L explained the living arrangements and was surprised by the disappointment in Light’s face when he mentioned that their hotel room would be connected to Misa’s. S _urely he isn’t that opposed to having his girlfriend nearby? I certainly don’t want her there._

Eventually, Aizawa removed Misa from the room and L was able to focus on Light.

“Light-kun,” he asked. “Are you serious about Amane?”  _Please say no. Please say no. Please say no._

“No, as I said, it’s all one sided.”

_Excellent! You could do so much better!_ L had always thought the relationship was a strange match. He suspected Light would be better suited to someone smarter, with whom he would be able to have sensible, intelligent conversations. “Then could you at least act like you’re serious about her?” he said. He felt terrible for asking; he wouldn’t force his worst enemy, even someone who had proved themselves to be Kira, to spend time a brat like Misa Amane, but the killer had to be caught. “We know that she is involved with the second Kira from the video tape evidence... and also that she loves you.” L felt strangely angry about that last part, but it was probably because he didn’t think Misa’s love for Light was particularly normal or healthy.

“You want me to get close to her and make her reveal things about the second Kira?” Light said. L guessed his reluctance was understandable, but surely Light wanted to clear his name.

“Yes, I think you are capable of doing it Light-kun. This is one of the reasons that I released the two of you.”  _One of the very minor reasons._ L tried not to think about it but, if he were honest with himself, his main motive for releasing Light was that he had missed their conversations - the way Light always saw trough his traps and parried his moves with well-chosen words, simultaneously returning his attacks. L found himself remembering Light’s tennis skills and making, once again, the same comparisons between that match and their every conversation. 

“Ryuzaki, even if it is to solve the Kira case, I could never play with a woman’s emotions like that,” Light said.

_Wow!_ L thought. _He’s so noble! He’s like one of those gallant knights in romance novels._

“I’m sorry,” Light said. “But you need to understand that, to me, taking advantage of a person’s feelings like that is the most despicable thing a person can do.”

L’s smile faded.  _Does he think I am despicable for suggesting it?_

“What’s wrong Ryuzaki?” Light asked.

“Nothing,” L sighed. “You’re right Light-kun, but I would appreciate it if you could remind her to make sure she doesn’t reveal things about our investigation to anyone.”

 

#

 

It was late and the rest of the task force had retired for the night, but L and Light were still sitting at their computers. They hadn’t spoken since the others had left. L hadn’t known how to respond when the task force had bid them goodnight and wished them pleasant dreams. He’d glanced at Light, who was sitting at the computer beside him, but the teenager had seemed lost in thought. L didn’t want to be the one to bring up the subject of sleeping together. Now that he thought about it, being chained to Light Yagami 24/7 was going to be problematic, but he couldn’t back out now. He would not let Kira win. 

The silence couldn’t last much longer. L was running out of sweets and he was desperate to use the toilet. He imagined Light must be feeling the same way. Neither of them had been for hours.  L risked another sideways glance.

“L, will you please stop looking at me like that,” Light snapped. “Unless that’s why you suggested this ridiculous situation? Just so you could stare at me?”

“I’m sorry Light-kun.” L said. “I was merely wondering if you might accompany me to the kitchen. I have run out of sweets. Also, I, um… I need to use the toilet facilities.”

 

Light smiled. He’d been hoping he wouldn’t have to be the one to bring up the issue. He’d thought being watched on security cameras was bad enough, but this was clearly going to be an even more awkward and embarrassing period of his life. L cheeks were tinged pink, and he wouldn’t make eye contact, so Light guessed the detective’s thoughts were running along similar tracks. He’d never seen this side of L before and he was surprised to find that a shy L was, if possible, even cuter than the confident one he knew and, well...

“Of course, L,” Light said. “I could use a trip to the bathroom myself.”

“Good,” L said, still without looking up from his toes. “Um, Light-kun? I was wondering, how do you think we should wash whilst we are together?”

“Well,” Light whispered, leaning towards the detective. “We could always take a romantic bubble bath...”

L choked on a mouthful of cake, toppled out of his strange sitting position and kicked the desk as he fell backwards off his chair. Light looked down at the detective, who was now lying on his back and staring at the ceiling, and couldn’t help laughing. Not that he would have minded sharing a candle-lit bath with the detective, but clearly L wasn’t so keen on the idea.

 

L picked himself up and tried to concentrate on walking in a straight line.  _Perhaps I injured my foot on the table. It doesn’t hurt yet... but that would explain my unsteadiness. I don’t think I hit my head. But then, why do I feel so dizzy? And why am I still blushing?_ L headed for the bathroom, dragging Light behind him.  _I shouldn’t have been so startled really. Teenagers often joke about strange things._

“Light-kun,” he said. “I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making jokes in such questionable taste.” L pushed open the door to the toilets and hurried into the first cubicle, slamming the door shut.

L placed one palm against the cubicle wall to steady himself and closed his eyes. He felt faint. Was that due to a lack of sugar in his bloodstream? Or maybe falling off his chair and standing up too quickly had affected him somehow. L sighed. No. It had been Light’s suggestion of a romantic bath that had done it. Now that the initial shock had worn off, L was left feeling both uncomfortable and miserable. He loved bubble baths, but he’d never even considered sharing one with another person. Would such activities require an extra large tub in which to take place? Or was an ordinary bath supposed to accommodate two adult bodies? L shook his head. Surely not.  _Light is about the same height as I am, except his spine isn’t bent like mine. No. There is no way we could fit in a bath together. Unless we crouched at either end... But that probably wouldn’t be considered romantic. A romantic bath must involve the individuals touching one another, maybe even... kissing?_ L shook his head and rubbed his hands over his face. _Why am I even thinking about this?_

 

Light had never seen L move so fast, or sound so angry.  _Was he_ _really that offended by the idea of candles and bubbles and…_ Light closed his eyes and smiled. _A_ _nd our naked bodies touching underwater. L’s beautiful black hair dripping over his face, stopping just short of those perfect lips, lips which could-_ _fuck!_  Light’s pants suddenly felt a lot tighter.  _Idiot. You can’t_   _afford to think about L like that. Not now_ _that you’re going to be around him all the time. He’s not stupid; he’ll notice._ Light heard the toilet flush and L’s cubicle door unlock.  _Fuck._ He looked down to assess how noticeable the bulge in his trousers was.  _Fuck, fuck, fuck!_  As L’s door opened, Light dived into the next cubicle.

Light leant his back against the cubical door and closed his eyes.  _How the hell am I supposed to live like this? It’s going to be impossible to keep my thoughts under control when he’s constantly attached to my arm. This is so humiliating. And it’s all Kira’s fault. I’ll fucking kill him when we find him._ Light tried to direct his thoughts towards the many reasons for catching Kira. It wasn’t possible to remain aroused whilst thinking about murder. Well, he wasn’t naive enough to think it wasn’t possible, but he didn’t personally find that sort of thing exciting. Light shook his head and rubbed his hands over his face.  _We’d better find that bastard quickly._

 

L was surprised by Light’s sudden desperation to use the toilet. Perhaps the teen had needed to go as much as he had. After all, it had been a long day and Light had had a coffee a few hours ago, or maybe… L’s mind wondered back to Light’s suggestion of a bubble bath. _He’s not upset about something, is he?_ _No, surely not. Light was joking_ _and I asked him not to. That’s nothing to be upset about._

After a few minutes, Light emerged from the cubicle and they crossed the room to wash their hands. L had never noticed how loud Light’s footsteps were before, the heels of his shoes clacked against the beige floor tiles and echoed around the empty bathroom. L looked down at his own silent feet as they reached the washbasins.

“Light-kun?” he said. “Seriously, how do you think we should wash?”

“Um.” Light sounded different, almost embarrassed. L looked up to find that a pink glow had indeed filled the teen’s cheeks. It reminded him of the thin line between the red and white parts of a strawberry.   _I wonder what that’s all about? Is it because I didn’t like his joke?_ “We could take separate shower cubicles,” Light said. “With the chain going over the top?”

“Ah, yes. I suppose that might work,” L said.  _Why didn’t I think of that?_  “I prefer to wash in the morning, so shall we turn in now?”

“Yes, of course.” Light said. “It’s been a long, unusual day.” ****  
  



	2. Saturday 24th July 2004

L was obviously familiar with sleepless nights. Light, however, was used to getting at least a few hours. He had tried to sleep, but he couldn’t relax whilst sharing a bed with L. They were lying as far apart as possible, but he could still feel the warmth radiating from the detective’s skin, making it impossible to forget that there was a very attractive and shirtless man beside him. They were both shirtless in fact, but they’d kept their trousers on. It had seemed the least awkward option at the time but sleeping in trousers was so uncomfortable that Light was now tempted to wriggle out of them and sleep in only his boxers.

He rolled over. There was a bulge under the duvet between his body and L’s, which Light guessed was their shirts. They’d found it impossible to remove the shirts from the chain, so they had left the problem for the morning and, as far as Light could tell from feeling around under the duvet, their shirts had somehow got tangled together in the night. Light found himself stroking the soft cotton of L’s t-shirt as he lay on his back and tried desperately to relax.

Eventually a pale light began to shine through the curtains, and Light decided it was an acceptable time to get up. He suspected L had also been feigning sleep, as he hopped out of bed as soon as Light yawned and sat up. Then L suggested showering and Light wished he’d continued with the pretend sleeping. He had been uncomfortable enough last night, just seeing L topless; he didn’t think he could cope with seeing any more of the detective.

 

#

 

L chewed on his lower lip as they walked to the hotel’s showers. He was not at all toned or attractive like the boy he was chained to. He had been more embarrassed last night, when Light had seen him topless, than he ever had been before. Judging from the way Light had stared, he had also noticed the differences in their physiques. L sighed.   _Maybe I should have the chain removed. After all, there is still the problem of our shirts tangled between us. We can’t shower like that. Well, we could, but then we’d still have to remove them afterwards. But if I remove the chain, Light will be free to go and I won’t be able to keep an eye on him and he won’t be around all the time to help with the investigation and... he just won’t be around._

L grabbed hold of the shirts and ripped them from the chain, tearing through the sleeves.

“L!” Light shouted. “What are you doing? Shirts cost money and that was one of my favourites!”

“Sorry,” L mumbled, offering Light his ruined shirt.  _I probably could have thought of a better solution than that._  “I will buy you a replacement, Light-kun, but at least now we can get dressed in these whilst we are chained together. Also, please call me Ryuzaki when we are in public.”

“Are you stupid?” Light yelled. “I am not wearing the same shirt for however long it takes you to decide I’m innocent.”

“Watari will have it washed for you,” L said. 

 

Light took his shirt from L and stared at the torn sleeve. L had always seemed so rational - quirky and strange, yes, but not a closet shirt killer. He watched as L slowly ran his thumbs around the waistband of the jeans he’d slept in. He was looking at his toes again.  _Is he upset? Maybe I shouldn’t have shouted... I guess this is uncomfortable for him too. At least he doesn’t know though. That would be really embarrassing... so perhaps I should stop staring at his hips._ Light turned to look at the nearest shower cubicle. Eventually L stepped into the cubicle next to it and closed the door.

“Light-kun? Are you getting in?”

Light climbed into the cubicle, removed his trousers and his boxers, and hung them over the cubicle door. He turned on the water and was pleased to find that the chain was long enough to give him an adequate range of motion. It was still annoying though.

After a few moments, L started singing, nothing Light recognised, just mindlessly La La La-ing.  _Probably some sort of ode to a strawberry shoelace._  Light smiled. “L? What are you singing?” The tune was somehow familiar, but Light couldn’t quite place it.

“You don’t recognise it?”

“No. Well, sort of.”

 

“Oh,” L said. “Your girlfriend sings it on the advert. It’s the song for my favourite chocolates.” _He really doesn’t know? He can’t like Misa at all._

“I guessed it was something like that,” Light laughed. “You have a nice voice.”

L was glad that Light couldn’t see him blush. He had never sung in front of anyone before. _He likes my voice!_  L grinned stupidly to himself.  _He said something about me was nice!_  L replayed Light’s compliment in his head as he washed his hair.

He was torn from his thoughts by a series of thuds on the cubicle wall.

“L? Are you even listening to me?” Light shouted. “L?”

“Sorry, Light-kun,” L called back. “I wasn’t listening, what did you want?”

Light mumbled something.

L turned off the water. “Sorry? I didn’t catch that? What’s the matter Light-kun?”

“I’ve, um… dropped the soap.”

“I see,” L said. “Why are you telling me this?”

“I can’t reach it.”

“Well I certainly can’t.”

“Can you put your arm up so I can reach further?” Light said.

“Oh, I see.” L lifted his arm, giving Light as much slack as he could. “Can you get it now?”

“No, I still can’t reach.”

“You could borrow my soap for now, and pick it up later?” L said.  _That’s not too weird is it? Do friends share soap? The handcuffs may not have been the most practical solution after all. Still, it’s too late to back out now. Perhaps we should have the chain extended._

 

“Okay...” Light took the soap L waved over the wall dividing them. It seemed a little too intimate to be sharing soap, but then again, they’d been in bed together not twenty minutes ago. Normal rules clearly didn’t apply. “Thanks, I guess.”  _Now focus Light. Don’t think. Just wash._

Light began to wash himself with L’s soap, but he couldn’t help imagining L using it only moments before, L standing naked just the other side of the flimsy green plastic wall. Light smiled to himself. He allowed himself to fantasise about breaking through the wall and pinning L against the one opposite, forcing him into a rough kiss and-

“Light-kun?”

L’s voice startled Light from his daydream and the borrowed soap jumped out of his hands to join his own on the floor.

“Yes,” Light sighed, praying the detective didn’t know what he had been thinking about.

“Can I have my soap back now? I hadn’t quite finished with it.”

“Not really,” Light said. “I dropped it.” _Brilliant, Light! Great way to impress him. Now you look like you can’t even wash properly._

L laughed. “Are you really that clumsy?” 

“It’s your fault,” Light snapped.

“How could it possibly be my fault?” 

“Um…”  _Because you’re too damn hot for your own good!_   “Because you’re the one who wanted to be chained together so badly,” Light said.

 

#

 

The rest of the Task Force was already waiting when they returned, with dripping wet hair and shirts full of safety pins, to the suite that served as a temporary headquarters.

“Back to work then,” L said, sitting down at his computer and starting on the goodies Watari had provided for breakfast.  _I wonder where these came from. They’re almost as good as the ones Roger makes back home. Perhaps he gave Watari the recipe._ Lreached out for his fifth cupcake, but before his fingers could close around it, he was dragged to his feet as Light chased Matsuda across the room. L tripped over a low table and landed on the floor, as Light pinned Matsuda against the far wall.  _What_?  _What is he doing?!_  L stared up at them.  _I_ s  _Light hugging him? Why is Light hugging him? What’s so special about Matsuda?_ L felt his face heating up and his fists tighten around the phone cord he’d landed on. He blinked and tried to focus on what Light was shouting.

“... Bastard! I’ll kill you!” 

_Oh._ L relaxed.  _Light is only trying to kill Matsuda_ _. Hang on…_  O _nly trying to kill? Since when is that a good thing?!_

“Light-kun,” L said.  “I believe attempted murder would greatly increase the chance of you being Kira.”

“But, Ryuzaki, you didn’t hear what he said,” Light growled.

“What did he say?”

Light blushed and looked at the floor.

L picked himself up, trying not to think about doing the same thing last night, after Light’s bizarre joke about sharing a bath. “Matsuda?” he demanded. He wasn’t sure why he was so angry, but he was going to put it down to the lack of professionalism. Two individuals should not be that close together at work. Especially not if one of them was Light Yagami.

“I was only joking,” Matsuda mumbled. “I just asked Light if showering with the famous recluse L was hot - I didn’t mean it!” Matsuda laughed. “I mean, I don’t even know why I said it… I was only trying to wind him up.”

L’s cheeks burned. He blinked at Matsuda, who was still chuckling.  _Why would he say something like that? Why did Light react that way? Why am I getting upset about it? Who cares if Matsuda is laughing at my non-sexiness?_

“I’m sorry if I overreacted, L,” Light said, walking back to his seat. “I was just angry about what he was implying.”

Soon enough, everything settled back to normal. L sat at his computer, eating his cupcakes, which had somehow lost their magic, and trying not to think about what had happened.

 “Are you ok?” Light whispered. 

“Of course. Why do you ask?”

“I thought you seemed a little upset earlier. I wondered what was behind it.”

“I don’t know what you mean, Light-kun.” L stared blankly at the screen and struggled to keep himself from smiling.  _Light noticed I was upset. He’s concerned about me. Maybe he really does like me._

_#_

The task force had been working in silence for hours and Light’s eyes were beginning to ache. He was just thinking about disturbing L, so he could go and get some painkillers, when the door burst open and Misa came dancing into the room. She was dragging Matsuda behind her, who had clearly failed in his mission to keep her out of the way. Light sighed and turned his chair towards the door.

“Hello everyone!” Misa sang, running towards Light with her arms outstretched.

“Hello Misa,” he said as she landed on his lap and hugged him. Light looked to his left. L was staring at them, looking slightly puzzled. Light hastily put an arm around Misa. He didn’t want to give her any ideas, but he didn’t want to make his disgust too obvious.  _I can’t even remember how I met her. Why is she so obsessed with me? I suppose it’s good for my parents to believe I’m attracted to women, but why did I have to choose such an infuriating one to feign interest in?_

Light closed his eyes and tried to block out the sensation as Misa leant in to kiss him. The kiss was fairly chaste in comparison to her usual attacks. Light guessed that was because they had an audience. He wasn’t sure if he was more grateful or embarrassed that his father was in the room. Light opened his eyes. L was no longer watching them. Instead, the detective was staring blankly at his computer screen and chewing on his lower lip.  _Is he upset again?_ Light decided not to bother asking this time. The detective clearly didn’t want to talk about whatever was bothering him. Light turned back to his computer, forcing Misa to slide off his lap. He had just re-opened the spreadsheet he was working on when L stood up.

“Lunch,” L announced. “We will all go out for lunch.”

Light frowned. He’d never seen L eat lunch before. The detective was usually too busy snacking to bother with meals. _What’s going on? Why is L acting so strangely today?_

_#_

 

As L sat in the restaurant Mr. Yagami had chosen, he thought about Light’s behaviour towards Misa.  _He doesn’t really seem to like her, or even_   _to be attracted to her_.  _But Misa is a model. I am led to believe that most men would give anything to be in Light’s position_. L, of course, did not include himself in the category of ’most men’. He would hate to be in Light’s position. In fact, there was a 67.3% chance that he liked Misa even less than Light appeared to.

L glanced again at the couple and almost choked on his sugar cube. Misa had managed to squeeze herself between Light and Matsuda, both of whom looked uncomfortable, though possibly for different reasons. Misa was trying to feed Light a prawn from her salad and Light seemed to be hoping she would give up if he ignored her long enough. He was pretending to be deep in conversation with his father. L watched them, wondering if Light would take something if he were the one offering it _. That would annoy Misa._  He smiled.

 

There was a prawn. A large, ugly prawn. It was floating in Light’s peripheral vision and bobbing slightly. It had been there for a good few minutes now, occasionally bumping into his cheek as Misa tried to get his attention. Unfortunately, Light’s father was running out of things to tell him about soup and he didn’t have anything else to pretend to be interested in. But he really didn’t want the prawn. He didn’t like prawns!  _Surely that’s something my girlfriend ought to know about me._

“Light-kun?” L whispered, leaning across the table. There was a different tone to his voice. It was almost... playful?

“Yes, Ryuzaki? Light said, looking up into the detective’s eyes.  _He’s been awfully quiet since he suggested we go out for lunch. What’s he up to now?_

L held out a sugar cube.

“Light-kun,” he said. “Please try one of these. I am 96% certain that they are the nicest sugar cubes I have ever tasted.” L brought the cube to Light’s lips.

_Is this a test? If I don’t take the sugar cube, does that mean I’m Kira? What will everyone think of L feeding me?_ Light hesitated, looking not at the small cube of sugar, but at L’s fingers holding it. He sighed and opened his mouth.

Light closed his eyes as L’s fingers brushed his lips. He didn’t want his expression to give anything away. The sugar was sweet. Much too sweet. _Why isn’t he taking his hand away? It’s like he’s... like he’s lingering there for a reason._ Light wanted to open his eyes. He wanted to know what L was playing at. But he didn’t want to look at anyone else and he didn’t want anyone else to look into his eyes right now. Who knew what they would see there? Somehow, Light felt he had lost control of the situation. He took a deep breath through his mouth, inhaling the sweetness of the sugar and the slight saltiness of L’s skin. He brought his own hand up to encircle L’s wrist and leant forward, closing his mouth around the sugar cube and L’s fingers. He felt L’s muscles tense beneath his palm, but he held L’s hand in place as the sugar dissolved on his tongue. Eventually he opened his eyes and looked into L’s as he pulled his head back, sucking gently on those slender fingers as they left his mouth. L looked shocked, but for a moment, Light was sure he had seen something the detective’s eyes, something warm and inviting.

“Yes, Ryuzaki,” Light said. “That was by far the most enjoyable sugar cube I’ve ever had.”

L smiled at him and settled back into his chair. _Now, what the hell was that all about?_ Light glanced around the table. There were plenty of uncomfortable expressions, but as everyone was staring at L, Light guessed they had all been too shocked by L’s behaviour to notice his response. _Now, as long as we stay at the table until I can get myself under control, I might have got away with it._ Light returned his attention to the leek and potato soup in front of him and eventually the rest of the task force continued with their own meals. Light looked up to meet L’s eyes, but found the detective locked in a staring match with Misa, who had pushed her salad away and was clearly sulking about something. Light watched until Misa gave up and started glaring at her diet lemonade instead of L.

L looked up and smiled triumphantly at Light. Light smiled back and, for some reason, L turned pink and busied himself with counting sugar cubes. Light looked from L’s sugar bowl to the soup in front of him. It seemed bland and unappetising now.  He put his spoon down and spent the rest of the meal watching L.

 

#

 

Back at the hotel, after another few hours of working solidly, the task force gave up for the night. Before Watari left, he swapped their handcuffs for a pair with a much longer chain. Light didn’t know when L had asked for the change, and he wasn’t sure what to make of it. It seemed that everything L did was confusing him today.  Eventually Watari left, leaving Light alone with L. _At last._

“L?”

“Yes, Light-kun?”

“What was the whole sugar cube thing about?”  _Please don’t just say they were nice and you wanted me to try one. Even you aren’t that weird._

“I told you. They were nice.”

_Damn it!_  “That was all? It wasn’t a test?”

“Hmm.” L put down his tea cup. “You think I was trying to prove you are Kira with sugar cubes?” L laughed. “If you’re that paranoid, maybe I should raise your percentage chance of being Kira.”

“What?” Light stood up, clenching and unclenching his fists. “So, it was a test? Or is this the test?” _Just give me a straight answer, damn you!_

L grinned. Light wasn’t sure if the detective was blushing again or whether his face had taken on a permanent reddish hue.

“L, stop playing with my head!” he shouted. “You’re driving me crazy!”

 

L couldn’t stop his smile from spreading.  _I drive you crazy, Light-kun? That’s interesting._

Light was glaring at him now, so L tried to get his smile under control. But it wasn’t easy; he couldn’t seem to look at Light this evening without remembering way he had risen to the challenge. _He ran his tongue over my fingers._ L shivered again and looked away. He wriggled his toes and tried to focus on them instead of the memory.

“Fuck, you’re annoying.” Light muttered, turning away. L got the distinct impression that the teen was intending to storm off somewhere.

“Light-kun?” he giggled. “You do realise you are chained to me?”

“Fuck!” Light turned back to face L. He looked furious. “Fuck, Fuck, FUCK.” Light slammed his fist into the wall. “I can’t believe it’s only been one day!”


	3. Sunday 25th July 2004

Light opened his eyes and went to rub them with his hands. The chain rattled as he raised his arm and he remembered where he was, and with whom. He angled his watch towards the dim moonlight streaming through the window. 2:39am. He glanced to his right. L was curled up under the duvet, still hugging his knees to his chest.  _Is he asleep?_ Light smiled. He’d been worried that L had trouble sleeping. He was tempted to reach out and touch the older man. He could brush L’s hair aside, maybe even kiss him. But no. He wouldn’t do that _. Imagine how awkward it would be if he woke up._  Light sighed. He was sure he shouldn’t be attracted to an older man who seemed intent on keeping him prisoner, but the more he tried to ignore his desires, the more they seemed to pop up at really inappropriate times. L must think he was crazy. Light remembered losing his temper last night.  _Pretty sure that’s going to count against me in the whole Kira suspect thing._ He clenched his right fist. It hurt. There were definitely bruises forming _. Did I really punch the wall that hard?_

 

L’s eyes snapped open. Judging by the quality of light in the room, it was around 5am. L yawned and stretched. He’d slept particularly well; it wasn’t often he managed to sleep for five whole hours at a time. As he stretched, his arm brushed against Light’s back. L frowned.  _Why is he sitting like that?_ Light was siting cross legged on the bed, facing away from him.

“Good morning Light-kun.” L crawled across the bed to see what Light was doing. He leaned over Light’s shoulder. The teen was running his left hand over his injured fist.  _Wow. I’m glad I am not a wall._  L sat beside him and reached out to touch Light’s knuckles. Light flinched but held his hand steady as L traced one finger over the bruises.

“Good morning, L,” he said. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, very well.” L said, removing his hand from Light’s. “That looks painful.”

“Yeah,” Light said. “But it’s my own fault.” Light moved away and turned to face L. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lost my temper like that.”

“Don’t worry about it,” L said. “I can understand your frustration. I’m just glad it was only the wall you attacked.”

 

Light smiled to himself as he walked beside L towards the showers. The detective seemed unusually cheerful this morning and Light felt strangely optimistic. Perhaps he and L could get along whilst they were chained together. That would surely make things easier.

They washed without talking. L was absent-mindedly singing again, and Light didn’t want him to stop, so he kept his mouth shut and focused on keeping his soap under control. He was enjoying the shower and would have happily stayed in the little cubicle for hours, just listening to L sing.

“Light-kun? Are you done washing now?” L called.

“Yeah,” Light sighed. “Ready to catch Kira?”

The corridors were much busier today, so they returned to headquarters amid stares and whispered remarks from the hotel’s other guests. Light noticed a group of teenage girls following them, giggling and staring. He smiled. 

“How about we give them something to stare at?” he whispered, holding out his cuffed hand.

 

L frowned at Light’s hand. Clearly the teen had also noticed that they were being tailed by young girls, who obviously thought the handcuffs were some kind of fetish item. _I guess it could be fun to wind them up._ L bit his lip. This was probably a bad idea. He nodded and took Lights hand in his.  _Wow!_  L felt a jolt of electricity as they touched. _That was odd. It didn’t feel like static electricity, but… it must have been._ L looked down at their hands. The bruises on Light’s were very dark now, especially in comparison to his own pale fingers. L wondered if this was hurting Light. He loosened his grip a little. He hoped he wasn’t doing this wrong. He didn’t want Light to know he’d never held hands with anyone before. He thought back over his life. Well, he supposed he may have held hands with a parent as a small child. But he didn’t remember that. Besides, that wasn’t really the same thing, was it? No, he couldn’t imagine anything would be quite the same as this. It was actually quite pleasant. He’d never really thought about it before; he hated handshakes and he had always thought a ridiculously extended one would be horrible.  _At least we just showered. It isn’t that gross if we just showered._

 

Light felt L’s grip on his hand loosen. _I guess he’s not enjoying this. Well, I can’t blame him. It’s pretty uncomfortable like this._ Light glared at yet another group of girls who stared and giggled as they passed.  _This isn’t right! Stupid yaoi fan girls. This should be a private moment._ Light wanted to be alone with L. _But if we were alone, this wouldn’t be happening._  L was just playing along. There was no way he had felt the electricity Light had as they touched.

Light squeezed L’s hand and let go as they reached headquarters. “I don’t think we want to be explaining that,” he said.

L nodded and opened the door.

“Good morning,” Light said, as he followed L into the room.

The task force mumbled good mornings and acknowledgements but, fortunately, no one seemed to notice Light’s bruised knuckles or the fact that L was still blushing.

“Any new leads?” L asked, settling into his chair and examining the plate of chocolates that someone, presumably Watari, had left on his desk.   _Surely that’s not a healthy breakfast_? Light couldn’t imagine eating something so sickly first thing in the morning. He shook his head and picked at a croissant, which was all that was left of the Task Force’s breakfast room service. As he ate, he watched L pick up the first of his strawberry filled chocolates and delicately remove the base with his teeth. L then closed his eyes and started licking at the contents.  _Cute._ _Weird but definitely interesting... actually, it’s kind of hot._  Light turned back to the computer in front of him and glared at his reflection while he waited for it to boot up.  _Why can’t I even watch him eat without having stupid perverted thoughts? Sure, I’ve always had a bit of a dirty mind, but it can’t just be me! No else eats like that. It’s almost too provocative... maybe he isn’t as innocent as I think?_  

Light glanced again at the detective, just as L bit into another of the chocolates, allowing the sweet filling to spill out around his lips.  _Don’t even think it!_  Light couldn’t force himself to look away as L’s tongue darted out to catch the thick liquid, which was dripping excruciatingly slowly down his chin.  _No. Not going there. No_ , _no, NO!_  Light returned to glaring at the computer screen.  _Why am I so into him? He’s way older than me and he’s not even my type really._  Light sighed.  _It’s_   _just a crush. It’s just that I’ve been spending a lot of time with him. Just a silly little crush, or Stockholm Syndrome._  Light laughed.

“Light-kun? What is funny?” L asked. 

“Nothing really. I was just thinking about something.” Light smiled. “You have chocolate on your nose, by the way.”

 

_#_

It was getting dark outside and L was waiting for the Task Force to give up and leave. They’d been working quietly all day, which he liked, but they had not been particularly productive, which he did not like. The fact that he hadn’t got anywhere either made it even worse. He looked up from his computer and found that Light was staring at him. Again. He’d caught the teenager looking at him seventeen times over the course of the day. Each time, Light had smiled at him and turned quickly back to his work. L was getting concerned. Even though he’d turned off the computer screen several times, in order to see his reflection, L was convinced he must have chocolate on his nose again. _I suppose he’s just too polite to mention it twice._ L rubbed his nose and looked around the room, wondering how much longer the Task Force were going to stay.

Eventually, the they began to trail back to their homes or hotel rooms. As they left, L was surprised to find Watari hovering by his desk, looking uncomfortable about something.

“L,” Watari said. “I would like a word with you, away from the task force, if possible?”

“I’m afraid that is impossible,” L said. “As I will not remove the handcuffs.” L rattled the chain to illustrate his point.

“No, well, quite. I think,” Watari sighed. “I think it would be best for Light to join us. There is something we need to discuss.” 

L frowned. “We can go to our room, I suppose.” W _hat could Watari possibly have to say to Light?_

They walked in silence to the hotel room. L closed the door behind them and Watari motioned for them to sit down.

L sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard, with his knees pulled up to his chest. He expected Light to sit beside him, but the teen perched on the edge of the bed. He looked confused and awkward.  _Why is Light so worried?_ L looked up at Watari.  _Why is he glaring at Light?_  

“You probably know what I am concerned about,” Watari said. L glanced at Light. The teen still looked worried.

“Actually no,” L said. “I haven’t a clue what you would want to speak to both of us about.”  _I might be clever, but how am I supposed to know what Watari is thinking?_

Watari’s face turned red. L wasn’t sure if that was embarrassment or anger. It could easily have been either, and both were out of character for Watari. 

“I am referring,” Watari said, “to your behaviour in the hotel corridors this morning” _Oh!_  L felt his own face heating up.  _Watari must have seen us holding hands and assumed the worst... or, well, it wouldn’t be the worst thing, I guess._

“I think you may have it wrong Watari-san,” Light said. “The two of us, um, that is to say L and I, we were only having a bit of fun.” Watari’s eyes narrowed. His glare was still directed at Light, and L was grateful. He’d never seen Watari so angry, even that time at Wammy’s when the kids had booby-trapped his office. L looked back at Light, who was pale and, if L were not mistaken, had begun to sweat.

“No,” Light stood up and moved away from the bed. “Not like that! We were just, um…”

L let go of his legs and sat up on the bed. “What Light-kun is trying to say is that we, um, we were only pretending to… to have feelings for one another.” _It was quite nice though._

Watari looked down at L and sighed. He closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. L imagined he was having an internal debate as to whether he wanted any more information. “Just don’t do it again, L,” he said.

Watari shook his head, sighed again and left, closing the door behind him.

L looked at Light. The teenager was smiling at him. L smiled back and giggled.

“I can’t believe he thought we had feelings for each other.” L laughed and collapsed into his pillow.

“Yeah. Stupid, right?” Light sighed.


	4. Monday 26th July 2004

L was tired. Not for lack of sleep; he never expected two nights in a row. But he was tired anyway. He was usually able to get some work done at night, but he couldn’t concentrate. He couldn’t keep his mind on the case, because it refused to stop thinking about Light Yagami. Light had fallen asleep around 2am. L had watched him for a while, but even now, hours later, with his back to the sleeping teenager, L couldn’t focus. He couldn’t seem to go more than a few minutes without turning around to glance at Light. This couldn’t be good. Surely it wasn’t healthy for him to be so fascinated by the teenager? Light had to be Kira. But it was getting harder to pretend that was why he liked watching him. L wasn’t sure if it was because Light was his only friend, and the only person he knew with an IQ similar to his own, but he enjoyed Light’s company and... he cared about him. But that was ridiculous. How could L care about Kira? How had this even happened? He couldn’t afford to be distracted. L sighed, snapped his laptop shut and turned around to look at Light again.

Today would be their third day chained together. L tried to relax his mind by thinking through the day ahead. In half an hour or so Light would wake up. Then they would go and have their morning showers. That would be nice; the warm water was always relaxing. L crawled back across the bed to lie beside Light. He sank into his pillow and counted the times Light’s breathing caused a strand of his fringe to float away from his face.

 

Light opened his eyes, blinked and frowned. L’s wide black eyes were less than a foot away from his face. _This is wierd_. Light wanted to shuffle away or roll over, but he wasn’t sure whether L would be offended by that. The detective didn’t seem to consider the closeness inappropriate.

“Good morning, Light-kun!”

“Is it?” Light yawned.

“Of course.” L tugged at the duvet. “Come on, Get up!”

“L?” Light asked. “Are you ok?” _If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was being... playful._ Light held on to the duvet and rolled over. He closed his eyes and snored loudly. _What will you do now, L?_

A pillow collided with the back of Light’s head, scattering feathers everywhere. He sat up, grabbed the pillow he’d been sleeping on and whacked the laughing detective over the head with it. L gasped. His eyes darted to Light’s pillow and, before Light could react, L had snatched it and thrown it on top of the pile he had gathered the rest of them into. Light lunged but L threw himself over the pile to protect it and Light landed on top of him.

 _Well this is interesting._ Light sat up, straddling L’s legs, and smirked down at him. “L,” he said. “I wonder if you’re ticklish. He pinned L’s arms above his head with one hand and reached for one of the fallen feathers with the other. L squirmed and wriggled, trying to escape.

 

L looked up at Light. _This is... different._ He tried to break free of Light’s grip, but he couldn’t. Light leaned down, putting his lips to L’s ear. “You’re _my_ prisoner now,” he whispered.

L shivered. How was he going to regain the upper hand? Light was much stronger than him, pinning him so easily with just one arm. It looked like the tickling was inevitable. L wondered what it would feel like. No one had ever tried before. _There must be a way to escape, maybe if I twisted a bit._

 

Light watched as L tried to escape him. Eventually the detective managed to wriggle one leg from under him and push it against Light’s shoulder. _Wow, he’s flexible._ Light couldn’t help noticing how sexual this position was and how hot L looked like this. He wondered if L would mind too much if he kissed him. Probably. He stroked the feather across L’s stomach. A reluctant smile spread across L’s face. _So, you are ticklish!_

About ten minutes later L managed to choke out between giggles, “Light-kun - stopit - Light! - we - haveto -showernow - Liiighhhtt.”

Light sighed. “I guess you’re right. They’ll wonder where we are.” He was reluctant to stop touching the detective. He’d abandoned the feather and was now running his fingers across L’s body, having found a very ticklish spot just below his navel. He’d been gradually moving his hand lower, just to see how far he could go before he chickened out. Light sighed. He probably wouldn’t have ventured much further, anyway. He ran his palm across the detective’s chest one last time before he released him and got up, leaving L stretched out across the bed, trying to catch his breath. It was a beautiful sight. Light smiled. Being chained up like this wasn’t all bad. L was so innocent. Light could see how easy it would be to confuse the lines between friendship and, what was it? Lust? Love? Light wasn’t sure.

 

#

 

“Morning, Ryuzaki, Light.” Mr Yagami said as they entered headquarters.

“Morning” Light mumbled. He wasn’t looking forward to spending another day with the Task Force. He’d prefer to spend time alone with L, even if they were only working. He had to be so careful when there were other people around - especially his father. Light sighed. “Where’s Misa today?”

“She had a modelling job to go to,” Watari said. “Matsuda has gone with her.”

Light nodded. “Good,” he said. _At least she won’t be around this morning._

“Come on, Light-kun,” L snapped, dragging Light over to their usual seats. “You can’t spend all day thinking about your girlfriend. We have work to do.” 

 _What’s his problem?_ Light sat down. _He seemed so happy this morning. Have I done something wrong? Is he mad at me?_

“L? Are you ok?”

“Yes, Light-kun. I am perfectly fine.” L said, thrusting a giant pile of papers at him. “Please take a look at these. I was going to have Matsuda do the boring work but, seeing as he has to run around after your girlfriend, I think you should do it.”

  _Damn. He is mad at me. Did I go too far this morning? I thought he was enjoying it too… maybe if I apologise?_

“Look, L, I’m sorry,” Light whispered.

 

 _Sorry? What is he sorry for?_ L blinked at the computer screen. _Sorry about Misa? Sorry he likes her better? Is that it?_ L’s monitor began to blur. _Stupid L, this is stupid! Of course, he likes her better. Why wouldn’t he? But then, why does it hurt? Why do I care? Why do I want him to like me more? To like me, like that? He has a girlfriend, so obviously he’s not gay! What?! Gay? Am I... gay?_ L stole a glance at Light, who was now sitting on the floor with the paperwork. He bit his lip and took a deep breath. He looked around the room at the other men. _Well I certainly don’t find any of them attractive!_ L tried to think back over the women he had met in his life, but the list was fairly short. Naomi had been pretty, but he hadn’t felt attracted to her... and then there was Misa, most men seemed crazy about her, but he just couldn’t see it. _Wow, I’d never realised before. I don’t like women... how strange._

“Light-kun?”

“Yes, L?”

“I would like to make a phone call,” L said. “In, um, in private. Would you mind if I used our room and you waited outside the door?”

“No, that’s fine.” Light stood up and brushed invisible dirt from his knees.

L led the way through the hotel to their bedroom. “I shouldn’t be long,” he said, shutting the door over the chain and leaving Light alone in the corridor.

As soon as he was alone, L pulled his mobile phone from his jeans pocket and dialled one of the many numbers stored in his brain, which he trusted infinitely more than the tiny sim card Watari insisted would store the numbers for him.

“Hi, Mell, it’s me,” he whispered.

“L?! Is it really you?” L smiled at the sound of the boy’s voice. He sounded older than L remembered. _I should really check in with them more often._

“Yes, Mello, it’s really me,” he said. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“How did you know?” L breathed into the phone, glancing back at the bedroom door as he spoke.

 

“Know what?”

“About…” L said. “About Matt?”

“Know what about Matt? L what is this?”

“That you liked him Mell?” L felt his cheeks heating up and moved further away from the door. “How did you know you were, you know?”

“Gay? L, are you asking me how I knew I was gay, or something?”

“Yes Mell, that’s what I am asking you.”

“Why?”

“It doesn’t matter!” L snapped. “Look, let’s just say it’s about the Kira case.”

“Kira? You think Kira is gay?” L tried not to laugh. _No, I think I wish Kira were gay._ L giggled. _I think I might be becoming hysterical._ L sat down on the bed and tried to concentrate on breathing normally.

“Maybe,” he told Mello. “But, how do you know if you are?”

“L? Are we talking about you or Kira here?”

“Does it matter? Just tell me, Mello!” _I should have phoned Matt. He wouldn’t have asked. He wouldn’t have cared._

“Wow,” Mello laughed. “You think you’re gay! Have you met someone?”

“No,” L said. “Just tell me, please?”

 

Light knew it was wrong but, even so, he pressed his ear against the door. _I don’t know who Matt is, but he definitely just said Kira case? If it’s about Kira, why doesn’t he want us to know?_ Light closed his eyes and strained to hear L’s side of the conversation. But he was getting quieter and quieter.

Light gave up. He sat on the floor and, after quickly glancing around to check no one was looking, he pulled his knees up to his chest and tried out L’s weird sitting position. _Damn. This is uncomfortable. How does he do this? Why does he do it?_ Light stood up again, embarrassed that he had just done that. He smiled; no one had seen. He was free! For a few minutes at least, he was free. He jumped up and down on the spot, waving his arms in the air and it didn’t matter. No one could see him. He traced invisible words on the wall with his finger. _Light Yagami 4 L._ He smiled at the words; he knew they were there even if no one else did.

 

L snapped the mobile phone shut. So, that was that then. He was gay or, at least, he was attracted to Light. The way he felt was exactly as Mello had described - except of course that Matt had returned Mello’s affections. L was embarrassed that Mello had guessed the question was about him. No doubt he would tell Matt, and probably Near too. L found himself dreading his next visit to Wammy’s.

L opened the bedroom door. He blinked and rubbed his eyes. Light appeared to be doing the Macarena in the corridor. L smiled. The teenager was facing away from him now, so he probably had another few repetitions before he noticed he was being watched. L silently slipped his mobile phone out of his pocket again, flipped it open and pressed record. He watched Light dancing on screen and listened to him mumbling the words under his breath.

“They all want me, they can’t have me, mumble-mumble dance beside me- L?!” Light turned bright red. He stopped dancing. Then his eyes widened even further as he realised that L had been filming him.

L laughed so much he had to sit down. “Light-kun,” he said, wiping his eyes. “Your face! That expression is brilliant.” L pressed play on his phone.

Light had pounced on him. “Delete it,” he begged. “Please delete it!”

“No.” L said. “I don’t think I will. Light-kun, you, um… you dance quite well.” L smiled as the recorded Light moved his hips from side to side.

“Please, L! I think I’m going to die of humiliation.”

“Then you should learn not to dance in corridors, Light-kun.”

 

“I was just enjoying being alone for the first time in days,” Light said. “It’s not my fault if being chained to you is driving me crazy.” _So much for blurring lines._ Light sighed. _He must think I’m mental. I should have been braver this morning when I had the chance._ Light flopped against the wall beside L.

“I’m sorry, Light-kun,” L said. “I didn’t realise you liked to dance when you’re alone. You know, you could do so anyway. I wouldn’t mind.”

Light closed his eyes, leant his head back and covered his face with his hands. _This is so embarrassing!_

“Don’t worry,” L said.

Light opened his eyes. L was still smirking.

“I won’t tell anyone.” L whispered.

 _Did L just wink at me?_ Light closed his eyes again ran his fingers through his hair. _Perhaps I am going mad after all._ “What was that about anyway?” he asked. “The phone call?”

“Nothing,” L said, blushing.

“I thought I heard you mention Kira?” Light said. _Why is he embarrassed? What doesn’t he want me to know?_

“I might have mentioned it in passing,” L said. “It wasn’t anything important, really.” L pressed play again. Light pushed him over and tried wrestle the phone from him.

“Yagami-kun!” Watari yelled. “Get off of him!” Light looked up. Watari was running down the corridor towards them. “L,” he shouted. “Are you ok?”

 _Fuck. I guess this would look bad..._ Light climbed off the detective and helped him to his feet.

“Yes. I’m fine, Watari.” L said. “Light was only trying to get my phone.”

“L,” Watari said as he reached them. “I don’t like the influence this boy seems to be having on you. Kira or not, Light Yagami is clearly not a suitable person for you to be alone with. You should not trust him.”

 _What?! What the hell have I done to you?_ Light frowned. _What influence?_

“I disagree,” L said. “Light-kun is my only friend. Of course, I should trust him.”

  _L’s standing up for me?_ _I guess he doesn’t think I’m completely insane then._ Light grinned at Watari and placed his unchained arm over L’s shoulders. “Thank you, L.”

Watari glared at him again. _This is getting annoying. Why is he so mad at me?_

“L,” Watari said. “I think you and Light-kun should have separate rooms or, at the very least, separate beds.” _So, that’s his problem! He thinks I’m trying to get into L’s pants? Well I suppose he’s not far off, but it’s not like that! I would never take advantage of him, not really. I mean, this morning was… He didn’t mind. Okay, maybe I took it too far. But, I wasn’t doing anything wrong. Was I?_ Light looked at L. _I guess it wouldn’t be a total surprise if he did want separate beds._

“No,” L snapped. “That would be completely impractical. We are chained together. Now, if you would allow us, I think we should get back to work.”

 

#

 

The rest of the day passed slowly. L enjoyed it though. He had the tune to the Macarena stuck in his head and it turned out that humming it was a wonderful way to make Light turn that strawberry colour again. Although, Light had seemed very quiet for most of the afternoon. He’d kept glancing at L, sighing and shaking his head.

Then, around 5pm he’d stopped doing that and just smirked whenever L started humming. _He’s planning something._ L tried to work out what it could be that Light was scheming about, but he couldn’t come up with anything definite. _Is it about my phone? Is he planning to steal it and delete the video? I’ll have to back it up as soon as possible._

 

#

 

L and Light continued working after the others had left for the night. They were both sitting at the small writing desk in their bedroom, going through recent heart attack statistics on L’s laptop.

L reached the end of one document and turned to check that Light had also finished reading before he closed it. But Light wasn’t even looking at the screen. He was leaning back in his chair and watching L. _I can’t have chocolate on my nose, again!_

“Light-kun?”

“L?” Light said, pulling his own mobile phone out of his pocket. “You wouldn’t mind dancing the Macarena for me, would you?”

L laughed. “Um,” he said. “Why exactly would I want to do that?”

“Because,” Light said. “I happen to have a giant pack of strawberry laces and, if you don’t want to dance… well, I guess I’ll have to tie you up with them, delete that video off your phone and eat the rest of the laces in front of you.”

“Really?” L said. He watched Light intently, waiting for the appearance the strawberry laces. _There is no way Light is making me do anything._

Light pulled a large packet out of a bag beneath his chair and opened it. “I had Matsuda go and get them a few hours ago,” he said.

L pounced. Before Light could move, he had wrapped the chain around Light’s torso, binding him to the chair.

“What the-” Light sighed. “Damn, you’re fast.”

L reached around the younger man and pulled the bag of sweets from his hands. “It would appear,” he whispered, “that you are the one who is tied up and I am the one eating the sweets!” L laughed and leant over the top of the chair, looking down as Light gazed up at him. He smiled. “Light-kun, please don’t be embarrassed about the dancing, I told you I’m not going to tell anyone, especially if you continue providing me with sweets.” L stuck his tongue out and untied the teenager. Light leapt out of the chair and L scrambled across the room to hide behind the bed.

A few minutes later, Light caught hold of him. Not that L had let him. No, not at all. L had not wanted to be pinned to the bed like this again. He had not hoped it would happen, and he was not giggling like an idiot while Light bound his wrists together with strawberry laces. These were not L like behaviours, and yet… here he was.

Eventually, they ran out of laces and the wrestling matches came to an end. Light fell asleep soon after and L stayed up watching him. It had been a very interesting day and, somehow, a lot more fun than he’d had in a long time.


	5. Tuesday 27th July 2004

Light opened his eyes, half expecting to find L staring at him again. But the detective was nowhere to be seen.

“L?” Light sat up and looked down at his wrist. _Well, I’m still handcuffed. He can’t have gone far._ Light followed the chain across L’s side of the duvet. “L?” he called, peering under the bed.

The detective was lying on the floor, eyes wide and staring up at the slats of the bed. _Shit_. “L?!” Light jumped of off the bed and crouched beside him. The detective still hadn’t moved. _Shit, shit, shit._ “L? Are you okay?” Light reached out to touch L’s wrist. _Please be warm. Please have a pulse. Please, L…_ Light placed his fingers on L’s skin.

“Boo,” L whispered.

“Fuck!” Light scrambled backwards and hit his head on a table leg. “L!” Light ran a palm over his face. “Fuck.”

“Good Morning, Light-kun.”

Light glared at L. “Do that to me again and I really will kill you,” he said, trying to remember how to breathe.

“It was a joke,” L said. “I think I like your shocked face. It wasn’t as funny as yesterday though.” _It wasn’t funny at all._ Light stood up. _I thought you were dead you idiot. How is that even remotely funny? We already know Kira’s out to get you and I wouldn’t be fucking laughing if he did! I’m not… Crap.  They’d think it was me._ Light helped L to his feet.

“L?” he said. “How long have you been lying there, waiting for me to get up?”

L giggled. “A few hours. It was worth it, though.”

 

#

 

L scrolled through yet more statistics. Nothing was jumping out, but then, he wasn’t really giving it a chance to. He was thinking about yesterday. He’d been thinking about it all night. He’d enjoyed messing around and play-fighting with Light. But it couldn’t go on like that. _Light is probably Kira, and I am supposed to be proving that._ He minimised his game of solitaire as Watari walked past. _But I don’t want to prove it. I don’t want Light to be Kira._ L sighed. He didn’t want to catch Kira any more. Not when he was, well, whatever he was, with the main suspect. _Maybe I could just focus on catching this Kira? No._ _There’d always be a chance I’d uncover proof that Light was the original, and I-_

“Ryuzaki-san?”

L looked up and spun round on his chair. _What does she want?_

“Ryuzaki-san,” Misa said. “Why do you want to be chained to my Light-kun all the time?”

“I have already explained that Misa-san,” L said, turning back to his computer. “It is not my fault that you are unable to remember.”

“No, I remember,” Misa said. “I just don’t think it makes sense. I think you are jealous.” L spun round again. _She knows? How does she know?! What am I going to do?_

“Jealous?” he said.

“Yes, Ryuzaki-san, you are jealous. You can’t stand the fact that I like Light-kun better than you.” _Huh?_

L laughed. “You think I want you to like me?”

“I know you do,” Misa spat.

L looked around, hoping someone would come to his aid. The whole room was watching. He glanced at Light. The teenager was glaring at Misa. _I guess he doesn’t believe her then. If he thought I liked his girlfriend he’d be glaring at me like that. Wouldn’t he? He doesn’t look like he’s going to help me though._

L stood up. “You don’t know anything,” he said, walking towards Misa. “You don’t know anything about me, and you don’t know anything about… well, anything.” Misa’s lower lip began to wobble and her chin creased, making her look like half of an awful ventriloquist’s act. “I don’t know how you have deluded yourself into thinking I’d be interested in you,” L said. “But you are very, very mistaken.” L stopped a few feet away from her. “You’re not even that pretty, really.” He shrugged, turned around and headed back to his computer.

Misa ran over to Light, buried her face in his shirt and started sobbing nosily. _Ew. That looks wet._ L wondered if Light minded being cried on. Light looked up and glared at L. _Apparently so. Or, maybe he believes Misa. Maybe he thinks I’m attracted to his girlfriend... but surely I made my position perfectly clear just now._

“Liiiiggghttt,” Misa hiccupped. “Why don’t you hit him? You’re supposed to defend your lover.” _She has a weird obsession with violence. But, that’s to be expected, I guess._

“Why would I hit him, Misa? You started it,” Light said. _Well that’s a relief._ L glanced from Light’s knuckles to the small crack in the wall. _I do not want to be punched._ “Look, Misa,” Light said. “It’s probably best if you go to your room now. We need to get on with our work.”

Misa stormed out of the room, still sobbing dramatically. Watari and Soichiro followed her. _How could she possibly think I liked her!_ L shook his head and turned back to his computer. _She’s so stupid. Even if I did find her attractive, I still wouldn’t be able to stand her._

“Thanks, L,” Light said, turning back to his own work. “Now she’s going to be even more annoying.”

Watari and Mr Yagami returned to the room.

 “L, Yagami-kun,” Watari sighed. “We have told Misa-san that the two of you will take her out to dinner this evening in order to apologise for your unpleasant behaviour.” _What? She started it and now I have to spend MORE time with her. This is so unfair!_  Watari shook his head. _Why does he care about Misa. He’s looking at me like I’ve done something awful. Like that time I told the caretaker his wife was cheating on him._ L scowled. _I’m not a chid anymore and I still don’t think there was anything wrong with what I said._

“Watari,” L said. “I think my time would be better spent trying to solve this case.”

“No,” Watari said. “I know you are inexperienced in social situations, L, but the things you said to Misa-san were not acceptable. I think this will be good for you.”

“As for you, Light,” Soichiro said. “That is no way to treat your girlfriend. You will take her out this evening and you will be nice to her.”

 

#

 

Light felt ridiculous. He was walking down the street, holding hands with a woman dressed as a child and handcuffed to a man, who was walking several paces behind them. _I wish I could just break up with her. But if I did that, it’d be like getting a pink tattoo on my forehead telling the world I’m gay. No straight man would break up with a model_ _like Misa… and dad would kill me if he knew. At least L’s here, so I don’t have to be alone with her._ Light glanced over his shoulder. L was glaring at the floor. _I guess this is pretty awkward for him too_.

 “Misa?” Light said. “Do you think you could hold hands with Ryuzaki too? He must be feeling a little bit left out.”

“Good,” Misa snapped. “You hold his hand then! I don’t want to hold his ugly hand. Why should I? He was horrible to me.”

Light smiled. “Fine.” _I guess that’s the one good thing about_ _Misa; she’s so predictable!_ He dropped his pace, allowing L to catch up with them, and held out his free hand.

 

L stared down at Light’s hand. _But… This isn’t like in the hotel._ L glanced at Misa. She looked furious. L looked down at Light’s left hand, which she was clinging onto. He didn’t like it. He’d enjoyed holding hands with Light the other day and he did want to try it again. But he didn’t like Light holding Misa’s hand too. _Don’t be ridiculous, L. Of course, Light wants to hold Misa’s hand. He is only offering to hold yours to make this less awkward. Light is heterosexual. He has a girlfriend. He’s just being nice._ L took Light’s hand and fell into step beside him. Misa looked furious. _Selfish bitch!_ L frowned. _That wasn’t like me. She’s a horrible person, but that was uncalled for. Am I turning into Mello? She can’t help liking Light-kun. He is very nice_. L shook his head and tried to concentrate on Light’s hand in his. No static electricity this time. L looked down at his plimsolls _. Still nice though. Light’s skin is very warm._

 

#

 

“Table for… three?” the maître d’ asked as they walked into the restaurant. He glared pointedly at Light and then L.  Light sighed. He let go of both Misa and L’s hands.  The man nodded. “Follow me then.” He strode into the restaurant and Light hung back, allowing Misa and L to go ahead. The man led them to a relatively quiet part of the restaurant and showed them to a private booth.

 Misa slid along one cushioned bench and L clambered across the one opposite, reluctantly sitting normally when he realised there wasn’t enough space for his usual crouch. Light slid in beside L and brushed his foot against the detective’s, in what he hoped was a reassuring gesture.

 

It had only been twenty minutes since they had arrived, but L felt like he’d been stuck there listening to Misa’s nonsense for hours. _How can she be so annoying without even noticing?_ L had finished his Knickerbocker Glory a while ago, and he’d been edging his foot closer to Light’s ever since. He liked being close to Light and he wanted to touch him again. He wasn’t sure if Light had noticed their feet brushing together when he sat down, but it had been nice and… kind of reassuring. L picked at the small bowl of sugar cubes on the table and couldn’t help thinking about the last time they’d been in a restaurant.

“Ryuzaki-san,” Misa said. _This can’t be good. Leave me alone._

“Yes Misa-san? Did you want to ask me something?”

“Not really,” Misa said, smiling. “I know you already apologised but I wanted to tell you I understand now.”

“What exactly do you understand?” _Why does she look so happy? She looks… triumphant?_ _This is probably going to be bad._

“I know why you don’t fancy me?” she said. “It’s because you like men, isn’t it?”

L froze. Completely. He stared at her. His mind didn’t seem to be working.

“Misa!” Light slammed his palm down on the table. “You just can’t say things like that to people.”

L blinked. _How…_ _How does she know? I only worked it out yesterday!_ “I think,” he said, “that you might be mistaken, Misa-san.”

“No. I’m not,” Misa said. “Have you ever had a girlfriend?”

“Um. Well, no.” L felt himself blush and looked back down at the sugar bowl. “But I haven’t had a boyfriend either.”

“What?” Misa laughed. “Haven’t you ever kissed anyone?”

“Misa! That is enough!” Light hissed.

“What? I’m not doing anything. Ryuzaki is a homo. That explains everything!”

“Misa!” Light shouted. “I don’t ever want to hear you talk to Ryuzaki like that again!”

L looked around. A family at a nearby table had turned to stare at them. “It’s okay, Light-kun,” L said. _He stood up for me. To his girlfriend. Maybe he does like me… at least a little bit._ L turned to glare at Misa. “No,” he snapped. “I haven’t.”

“Excuse me…” Their waiter appeared at the table. “I’m afraid you are disturbing the other diners.” _Well, they should mind their own business then._ L glanced over at the family and then returned to glaring at Misa.

“We’re leaving,” Light said. “Can we have the bill, please?”

 

Light led L and Misa out of the restaurant. He kept looking over his shoulder at L. _Really?_ _He’s never even kissed anyone? I thought as much, but I didn’t expect him to admit it. And he’s all embarrassed about it too._ Light smiled. He was growing rather fond of that colour in L’s cheeks.

“Misa,” he said, as they left the restaurant. “Apologise to Ryuzaki, right now.”

“Sorry, Ryuzaki-san,” Misa hissed.

“Don’t worry Misa-san,” L said. “It’s not your fault you’re an idiot.”

“Misa is not an idiot! You are the idiot if you think you can get away with this!” Misa grabbed the chain. “You can’t stay like this forever, you have to give him back to me one day” Light sighed. _Why the hell did I choose this one? There were plenty of girls at school. I could have used any of them. How did this happen?_ “Misa,” he said. “Please stop shouting at Ryuzaki. I think we should go back to the hotel now.”

“Fine,” Misa said. “But he started it.”

They walked back to the hotel in silence. Light didn’t want to hold Misa’s hand and he didn’t trust himself to hold L’s right now. He was too angry to be gentle.

“Ryuzaki-san,” Misa said as they walked into the lobby. _Oh no. Not again. Just shut up, you stupid girl._ Light looked down at her. _What’s she up to now._ “Please don’t mention this to Mr Yagami,” she said. “I want Light’s father to like me.” _I don’t. Although, I can’t say I want him to know what happened either._ Light looked at L.

“Fine,” L said. “Let’s just pretend nothing happened, okay Misa?”

“Okay.” Misa said.

 _Seriously? He’s okay about it all._ Light frowned at the detective. L shrugged. _I guess he doesn’t want anyone else knowing his secrets. I still can’t believe no one’s ever kissed him. They must all be insane._ Light smiled. _I kind of like it though. I bet no one else ever held his hand either._


	6. Wednesday 28th July 2004

L was lying in bed, watching Light sleep. It was peaceful. He had been thinking about touching Light’s hand, which was resting on the pillow beside his head. He wouldn’t do it, but he wanted to. He wanted to know if Light’s skin was still as warm as before. _What was that?_ L sat up. He was sure he’d heard movement in the corridor outside their room.

There was a knock at the door. L glanced at the display on Light’s watch. 3:00AM. _Who on earth is that?_ L got out of bed and marched across the room. He stopped when the chain tightened, a metre or so from the door.

“Who’s there?” he whispered.

“L, it’s me.” _Watari?_ L unlocked the door with his toes and kicked it open.

“What do you want, Watari. I could have been asleep.”

“But you weren’t,” Watari said, striding into the room. “L, we need to talk.”

“What’s wrong?” _Is it Wammy’s? Has something happened?_ L couldn’t think of anything else that would cause Watari to disturb him in the middle of the night.

“Him,” Watari hissed, pointing at Light.

“Light-kun? Light-kun is wrong?” L frowned. _Is Watari going to explain why he’s always so mean to Light?_

“L,” Watari said, placing one hand on L’s shoulder. _He thinks this will upset me._ L looked up at Watari. “I know you like Light, and he’s your first real friend but…” Watari sighed. “I need to know that it won’t turn into anything, um, more.”

“More?” L said. _First Misa and now Watari? How does everybody seem to be reading my mind?_ “I don’t think that is likely to happen,” L said, looking down at his toes. He was glad it was still dark in the room; he didn’t want Watari to see how embarrassed he was.

“Well, good,” Watari said. “But don’t feel you have to do everything he wants you to, just because you like him. I don’t trust him.” Watari turned to leave. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you L. It’s not right.” Watari closed the door behind him.

 _Light looks at me ‘not right’?_ L locked the door and climbed back into bed beside the teenager. _Not right, as in, wrong? Light looks at me wrong? As in bad? Like he doesn’t really like me? Like he hates me? I guess… I’m not very likeable._ L looked at Light. _He looks so peaceful. So innocent…_ “We’re friends, aren’t we?” he whispered. “You do like me, don’t you?”

 

#

 

L closed the door of his shower cubicle and turned on the water.

“L?” Light called. “L, are you upset about something? You’ve been really quiet. Is it because of Misa?”

 _See! Nothing to worry about._ L leant against the cubicle wall, closed his eyes and let the water run over his face. _Light cares that you’re upset; he doesn’t hate you_. “No,” he called to Light. “Not really.”

“Is it my fault?” Light asked.

L sighed.

 

“L?” Light called.  “If I’ve done something to upset you, I’m really sorry.” _Why isn’t he answering? It must be something I’ve done. But what? He seemed fine last night._ “L?” Light turned the shower off and pulled himself up to look over the plastic wall dividing them. L was sitting on the floor of the cubicle, hugging his knees to his chest. “L? Are you crying?”

L looked up. “Light-kun?!” he shouted. “What are you doing? Get down!”

“I was just worried.  You’re crying, L. What’s wrong?” Light dropped down from the wall and grabbed his towel.

 

L sobbed. _Why are you crying, stupid? He’s worried about you. He doesn’t hate you and you are being ridiculous!_

“I’m, I’m fine,” L said. The cubicle door opened, and Light reached in to turn the water off. “Light-kun!” L shouted.

Light held out a towel. L snatched it and stood up. Light was staring intently at the ceiling tiles. _Is he doing that to give me privacy?_ L burst into tears again and wrapped the towel around his waist.

“I, I’m decent.” he said. Light climbed into the cubicle and wrapped his arms around L.

“L,” he said. “Please, tell me... is it my fault you’re upset?” Light loosened his grip on L’s shoulders and ran one hand through L’s hair. “I don’t want to upset you.”

“No,” L said, breathing deeply and trying to calm himself down. “It’s not your fault Light-kun. I think I’m just stressed, that’s all.”

“Because of the Kira case?” Light asked. “Don’t worry, L. We will find him. I know we will.”

 

#

 

Light sat on the edge of the bed. He still had one arm around L. The detective hadn’t really stopped sobbing for the last ten minutes. _This can’t just be about the Kira case. It’s too sudden_. Light stroked L’s shoulder with his fingers. _I hope he doesn’t think I’m being too intense. He doesn’t seem to mind me hugging him but... anyone else would. It’s just because he doesn’t know what friends are supposed to be like. Anyway, I couldn’t have just left him to cry._

“L,” he said. “Please tell me what’s wrong. It can’t just be Kira. You were fine when I fell asleep last night, and then when I woke up you were like this. Did something happen in the night?”

“I... I don’t know if I should tell you, Light-kun.” L sighed, wiping his eyes. Again. “You won’t be angry, will you?”

“Angry? What happened?”

 

#

 

“…It’s not right,” L sobbed. He’d told Light everything now, well apart from the ‘anything more’ bit. He didn’t want Light to know about that. _Although, if it’s obvious to Watari, and even Misa, he’s probably figured it out already. But he’s still being nice to me._ L sniffed and looked up. _Is he angry? He’s still stroking my arm, but he’s gone quiet._

“L,” Light sighed, “I think you misunderstood Watari.”

L frowned. _I misunderstood?_ “Really?” L wiped his eyes and used the corner of his towel to dry the wet patch on Light’s shoulder.

“I think so,” Light said. “What exactly did he say about me, again?”

“He said, ‘don’t feel you have to do everything he wants you to, just because you like him. I don’t trust him,’ and when he left he said, ‘I’ve seen the way he looks at you L. It’s not right.’ What else could he have meant?”

“Oh, I think I have an idea.” Light stood up. “Come on. We’re going to talk to him”

“Don’t, Light,” L grabbed Light’s arm. “Please. He’ll be mad that I told you.”

“No,” Light said, “I won’t let this slide. It’s not right.”

 

Light marched down the corridor towards the room Watari was staying in, dragging L behind him.

“Light,” L called out. “Slow down! Please. My towel is slipping!”

Light stopped and turned around. _I forgot we needed to get dressed. Oops. But he does look lovely like that._ Light walked over to L and helped him to secure the towel around his waist. “Come on,” he said, taking L’s hand and leading him to Watari’s room.

 

“Open up!” Light banged on Watari’s door.

The one next to it opened. “Will you keep it dow-” A pale, balding man looked out at them, turned red and closed his eyes. “It’s um, it’s nothing, honey,” he called into his room and slammed the door.  L held onto his towel and looked at his toes. He wished he had something to cover the rest of his body.

“Watari-san!” Light shouted. “If you don’t open this door, I will say what I have to say right here in the corridor.”

“Light-kun,” L whispered. “Let’s just go back.”

“WATARI,” Light yelled.

The door opened. Light grabbed L’s wrist and dragged him inside.

L took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent of Watari’s aftershave. The room was dark, but he could see Watari walking over to a cabinet and pouring himself a glass of something. _It’s a bit early for port, isn’t it? Watari is being very odd lately._

“What did you come to say then, Yagami-kun?” Watari said. “Have you made him tell you everything already?” Watari glanced at L _. Oh no. He’s already mad. I shouldn’t have said anything._

“I haven’t made him do anything,” Light said, “except come here, now.” _Without even letting me get dressed!_

Watari put his glass down. _He looks serious. He only looks like that when I’m in trouble. But... Oh I just don’t understand! This is a strange day._

“He’s upset,” Light said. “He’s been a mess all morning. He thought you meant I didn’t like him, that I secretly hated him…” Light smiled. “But that’s not what you meant, is it? Quite the opposite in fact.” _What? The opposite?_

“Indeed, Yagami-kun, that wasn’t what I meant at all. You have done an excellent job of convincing him of your innocent intentions.” _His innocent intentions? What intentions?_

L stepped forwards. “Can both of you please stop talking about me like I’m not here?” he said. “And what do you mean Watari? What intentions has Light convinced me of?”

“Sorry, L,” Light said, “I should explain. Watari-san is under the impression that I, to use Misa’s terminology, fancy you.” Light smiled. “He believes that I am exploiting your friendship in attempt to seduce you.” _Seduce me? I think I need to sit down._

L looked around for a chair. There was one, but it was on the other side of the room. He took a deep breath and moved closer to Light, leaning against the teenager’s shoulder. _Seduce me? He thinks Light wants to seduce me…_ L giggled. _So, Watari hadn’t guessed about me, after all?_

“Watari is this true?” he asked. “Do you really think that Light wants to be… something more with me?” _That would be... that would be strange. But nice. It’s a nice thought. Ridiculous though._

“Yes, L. I do,” Watari said. “I think you may be too close to the situation to realise what he’s doing to you.” _What?_ Light frowned _. I haven’t done anything to him!_ Light clenched his fists. He wanted to do something. He wanted to wipe that condescending look off Watari’s face. But L was leaning on him, and Light wasn’t sure the detective was able to stand on his own at the moment. He focused on L’s soft skin against his and took a deep breath, inhaling the smell of strawberries from the detective’s damp hair.

“Whatever,” he sighed, relaxing his fists and looking at L. “I wouldn’t, I-”

“Watari,” L said. “I would like you to mind your own business. You are mistaken. Light-kun is my friend. That is all.” L sighed. “I would like you to be nice to him, in future.”

“Thanks, L.” Light smirked. Watari’s nostrils flared.

 “Come on.” L grabbed Light’s hand and led him out of the room. Light winked at Watari as the door closed behind them.

 

Light followed L back down the corridor to their room. _Is he just being childish, and doing this to annoy Watari? Or does he actually like holding hands with me?_ L let go when they reached their door and muttered something about a wasted morning and no breakfast. _Oh._ _He’s_ _embarrassed._  Light smiled. _You can cry in front of me, L. I don’t mind._

“L, calm down,” he said. “Let’s just chill for a bit, okay? You can’t go after Kira like this.” Light flopped onto their bed. L sighed and joined him.

“I’m sorry I was so ridiculous his morning,” L said, rolling to face Light. “And I’m sorry Watari was horrible to you.”

“Don’t apologise, L,” Light said. “I’d have been upset too, if it were the other way around, and someone told me you didn’t like me, or that you were trying to take advantage of me.” Light reached out and put his hand on top of L’s. “You know I care about you, don’t you? And, I… I’d never do anything to hurt you.” Light smiled. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, L.”

“I would say the same,” L sighed. “But, since you’re the only friend I’ve ever had, I suppose you’re also the worst.”

“I can live with that.”

“You know,” L said, “I think you’re right. I’m not really in the mood for catching Kira.” L sat up. “Do you think the Task Force can manage without us for one day?”

“I guess so,” Light said. “Why? What are you thinking?”

“I want to go out for a little while. There’s a nice café near here?”

“Okay,” Light said. “Maybe later. I think you should just relax, for a while.”

 

#

 

It was mid-afternoon by the time L had calmed down enough to go out. Light followed him into ‘Tony’s’ and looked around. He’d never been somewhere so… L. The café was plainly decorated, except for giant canvas prints of cupcakes and tea cups on each wall. The specials board simply advertised an array of desserts and even the air tasted sweet.

A tall, round man emerged from the kitchen. “Ryuzaki-san! Welcome back.”

Light noticed the man’s gaze slipping to the handcuffs and then returning to L’s face.

“Hello, Tony,” L said.

“It’s nice to see you again,” Tony said, “and with a friend this time!” He smiled at Light.

“Hello,” Light said, returning the smile. _He must come here a lot if the owner recognises him._

“You two make yourselves comfortable.” Tony walked over to the counter. “I’ll be along in a minute to take your order.”

Light suddenly realised he was still holding L’s hand. The detective had explained, quite sternly, as they walked to the café that they would be holding hands more often, because it was more convenient than pulling each other around by the chain. Light hadn’t been able to hide his smile. He didn’t mind at all if L wanted to hold his hand, although it seemed unnecessary here. Light let go. Tony hadn’t seemed to think anything of it, but still, it was risky, in public.

He followed L through the café towards a booth in the corner _. I guess that’s where he usually sits._

“So,” L said. “What do you think? Do you it here, Light-kun?”

Light smiled. He could see how this place would be paradise for L. “It seems, um, nice enough,” he said. He’d have hated the café if he were here with anyone else, but it was wonderful to see L looking so happy. _I wonder if he owns it? It’s just too much to his taste to be coincidence._

L slid along the bench closest to the wall and looked up at Light. _Why’s he looking so worried? He almost looks frightened. Is he frightened of me?_ Light sat down opposite the detective. _He must be thinking about what Watari said._ Light sighed. Perhaps their relationship had become a little too physical. _But it’s so easy with him… And he never seemed to mind. Maybe I should back off though. I don’t want to upset him._ He watched L pull the menu out of its stand on the table and flick straight to the back. _I guess he knows where the desserts are._ Light pulled out the other menu and did the same. Maybe he was spending too much time with L, but for some reason he didn’t really feel like eating anything other than a dessert. He looked up the detective. L was beaming at the second page from the back. Light checked it in his own menu.

“L, I mean, um, Ryuzaki, you couldn’t possibly eat all of that,” Light said. He felt sick just looking at the page. L was about to order a Chocolate-Strawberry Extravaganza.

“It looks wonderful,” L said. “Layers of chocolate, strawberry and vanilla ice-cream, covered in strawberry sauce and topped with fresh strawberries and chunks of milk chocolate - the perfect dessert for two to share.” _Does he have the whole menu memorized? But, isn’t sharing a dessert_ _kind of intimate?_ Light sighed.  _So much for backing off._

“Okay,” he said. “We can get one to share, if you want.” _Maybe I can just get a bit of the vanilla before it melts in with the sauce._

“Great.” L smiled. “I’m going to get a strawberry milkshake too, what would you like to drink Light-kun?”

“Just a coke, I think,” Light said. _How can he cope with so much strawberry?_

 

 

Tony took their orders and went back to the kitchen, whistling. L looked around the cafe and smiled. It was always so nice and peaceful here. Even when other customers came in, they never bothered L in his corner. Not that L had anything against people exactly, he just didn’t like them. He liked being alone. Or with Light-kun. L looked out the window. _What would it be like if Watari was right? I suppose Light is always nice to me. No one else would hug me like he did this morning… But he has a girlfriend. Why would he put up with someone like Misa if he wasn’t interested in women? He could be bisexual I suppose, then maybe... No, he is just a friend. I am 98% sure of that. I think. But..._ L watched a couple laughing together outside. _I think... I think it would be nice._

“Light-kun?” L took a deep breath and looked down, fiddling with the chain links hanging from his wrist. _I can’t believe I’m doing this, but what if Watari was right? What if he likes me too, but he doesn’t know how I feel?_ “Light, I, I just wanted to tell you that I…” L took another breath. “I think I love you, Light-kun.” L felt himself turn red and pressed his hands to his cheeks. He peered up through his hair.

“Sorry L,” Light said, looking up. “Did you say something?” Light frowned and pulled out his headphones. “I was just finding this song that reminds me of you. Why, um, why are you so red?” _What?_ L sighed. _How did I not notice he was listening to music! I am a terrible detective. Stupid L! Stupid timing!_

“It’s just... It’s a bit hot in here, that’s all,” L said, pressing his hands harder into his face, in the hope that it would somehow hold in the blush. “What, um, what song was it?”

“Here,” Light said, “listen.” He held out one of the earphones. L smiled. His name was printed on it. He held the wire with his thumb and forefinger and brought it to hang loosely by his ear.

“I am the candyman,” the earphone sang at him. “Comin’ from Bounty Land!” L smiled.

“I love this song, Light-kun, but I didn’t think you would be an Aqua fan.”

“Yeah...” Light said. “I’m not. Sayu put it on my mp3. It just comes on shuffle sometimes… I guess it sort of grows on you.” Light’s cheeks turned that pleasant strawberry colour again.

“Here you are, boys!” Tony deposited a mountain of ice-cream on their table. He grinned and placed their drinks in front of them. “Enjoy!” He winked at L and went back to his place at the counter. L frowned. _That was odd._ _Winking usually indicates conspiracy…_

 

Light stared at the huge dessert. _No. No way. Even L can’t manage all this! And I’m certainly not eating half._ Light looked up at L. He was still slightly red, but he’d finally taken his hands away from his face. _Is he embarrassed about something?_ “What were you saying earlier?” Light asked. “When I was finding the song?”

“Oh, um…” L grabbed a spoon. “It wasn’t anything important.” The colour in L’s cheeks darkened and he shovelled a giant spoonful of ice-cream into his mouth.

“L,” Light said. “Are you ok?” Light reached over the table and pressed his palm to L’s forehead. The redness spread beneath his hand. “L, your whole face is red, and you feel warm. I think you might be ill.”

“I don’t think so, Light-kun,” L laughed. Light pushed the detective’s hair back. _Even his ears are pink_ _…_ L pushed light’s hand away. “Can you take your tie out of our food now, please?”

“What? My tie?” Light looked down. As he’d leant across the table, his tie had ended up in the strawberry sauce. “Damn it.” _Fucking tie._ Light loosened the tie and pulled it over his head. _What’s wrong with him anyway? Does he need a doctor?_ He placed the tie on the table beside him and turned to glare out of the window at a couple cuddling on a bench. _What are they laughing at?_

“Come on, Light,” L said. “Don’t you want any?” L held out a spoonful of the hideously sweet dessert. _He wants to feed me? Again?_ Light bit his lip. _At least there’s no audience this time. But... No. I’m supposed to be backing off. This is getting too weird._

“I can feed myself, you know,” Light said. L’s smile faded. _Oh crap. I’ve upset him again. But he doesn’t like me that way. He just doesn’t understand what friends are supposed to be like. It’s not fair to keep confusing things._ Light sighed and picked up his own spoon. _I should have kept my distance from the start._

 

 _Oh…_ L stared at the spoonful Light had refused. _I guess that was stupid really. Of course, Light-kun doesn’t want to eat from my cutlery. Especially if he thinks I’m ill._ L blinked at the dessert.

L shoved spoon after spoon into his mouth. It wasn’t really ice-cream anymore, just a sweet melty mess. _Maybe... maybe Light did hear me. Maybe he heard me but he’s pretending he didn’t, because he doesn’t like me and he doesn’t want to upset me. That’s why he doesn’t want to share my spoon. Why would he? Now that he knows. He probably hates me now. No... He’s smiling at me. Maybe he really didn’t hear. I hope he didn’t hear. I shouldn’t have said anything, anyway. It was silly. He has Misa and even if he was... bisexual. He wouldn’t, he wouldn’t want..._ L put down his spoon and looked out of the window. The couple were still there. They weren’t laughing anymore but they looked happy. _He wouldn’t want me._ L sighed, picked up his spoon and finished off the last few strawberries.

“Done?” Light asked as L put down the spoon.

“Yes,” L said. Do you want to leave now?”

“Yeah. We probably should. You’ve been eating for ages. It’s dark out.”

As they left the cafe, L shoved his hands in his pockets. _Stupid idea. Saying you want to hold his hand all the time. He doesn’t want to hold your stupid hand._

“Are you okay?” Light asked. “Are you cold?”

“No. I am fine, Light-kun.”

Light put his hand on L’s arm. “You are a bit cold,” he said, pulling L’s hand out of his pocket and rubbing it between his own palms. “Are you sure you aren’t ill?”

L took his hand back. “I’m fine.”

Light sighed. L looked at him. “What?”

“Nothing.” Light smiled and put his arm over L’s shoulder. “We don’t want to be pulling each other around with the chain, remember.”

_This is, this is like... it’s like he’s hugging me. Like this morning. He can’t hate me. He’s worried that I’m ill and cold, and he’s hugging me!_

“Oh.” L said. “Light-kun, I picked up your tie.”

“Thanks.” Light said. “Hold onto it for now, will you.”

“Okay.” L leant into Light’s strange walking hug. _Is this? This is how couples walk. This is… this is not normal for friends, is it? Maybe, maybe really good friends... So, perhaps, Light does like me? He thinks I am a good friend. He said this morning..._ L smiled. _He said I was his best friend._ L giggled. _I have a best friend._

“You’ve eaten too much sugar, haven’t you?” Light laughed.

 

“Light? L? Is that you?” Matsuda stopped to stare at them as they walked up the steps to the hotel. Light removed his arm from L’s shoulders. L stopped singing along to Lollipop on Light’s MP3 player.

“We went to a cafe.” Light said. “I’m afraid Ryuzaki may have had a little too much sugar.”

L stuck out his tongue.

“Okay...” Matsuda said. “Well, I’m going home now. Everyone else left already. Will you two be joining us tomorrow?”

“Yes, yes.” L said. “Did you have any luck today?”

“No. We didn’t find anything Kira related.” Matsuda shook his head. “Well, goodnight.”

“Bye,” L grinned and waved at Matsuda as Light led him up the steps.

“See you tomorrow.” Light called as they went inside.

 

#

 

Light climbed into bed and smiled at L, who was sitting on the floor, wearing Light’s tie as a headband and playing on a hand-held games console.

“You like video games, L?” Light yawned.

“Yes. Sometimes… Aha! There is no escape!” The detective giggled, tapping furiously at the buttons.

“Night, L.” Light said.

“Night, Light.” L burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Light asked, stretching out beneath the duvet. _I didn’t know it was possible to get this high on sugar._

“Night… Light!” the detective giggled. “Nightlightnightlightnightlight...”

Light sighed and pulled a pillow over his head. _Note to self: Do not let L order Chocolate-Strawberry Extravaganzas!_

 

#

 

“L?” Light called. He looked at his watch. _It’s 2:00AM… Why isn’t he in bed?_ “L? You had better not be hiding under the bed again.” Light pushed the duvet back and climbed out of bed. He followed the chain across the room. L was curled up on the floor, fast asleep, still clutching the games console. _He’s like a little kid._ Light smiled. He took the small computer from L’s hands and placed it on the desk. He carried the detective to the bed and pulled the duvet over him.

Light climbed in beside L, propped himself up on one elbow and smiled at the sleeping man.

He leant down and placed his lips against L’s forehead. “L, Ryuzaki,” he whispered. “I love you”.

Light lay on his side, as close to L as he could be without their bodies touching, and watched the detective sleep for a while. He felt strangely relieved to have told L how he felt, aloud.  


	7. Thursday 29th July 2004

L stretched out and wriggled his toes. _I don’t want to get up. It’s so warm and cosy.  Can’t I just stay in bed? Hang on, bed?_ L opened his eyes. _When did I get into bed?_

“Light-kun, why are you are staring at me?” L asked. “Did you put me here?”

“Yes.” Light smiled. “You fell asleep on the floor. You looked cold.”

“Oh, thank you then, Light-kun. That was very nice of you,” L said. “But could you, um, could you please stop staring at me?” _It’s kind of unnerving._

“Of course,” Light said, his cheeks turning strawberry. “I’m sorry, L. Are you ready to get up now?”

L glanced at the clock; he’d already overslept. “Do we have to?” he sighed. “I think I might be ill, after all. I’m tired.”

Light smiled. “I think you’re just in need of sugar,” he said. “L, you were really hyper last night, you’re probably crashing now.” _But… I don’t crash. I live on sugar. Is this what sleeping well does to you?_ L frowned. _I suppose it was a large dessert._ Light sat up and reached across the detective. _He smells like coffee. Warm, lovely coffee._ Light opened L’s bedside drawer and pulled out a handful of chocolates.

“Eat these,” he said. “You’ll feel better.” _How does Light know where my chocolate stash is? Has he really been paying that much attention?_

L popped one of the chocolates into his mouth and tried to push his hair out of his face. _Oh. No wonder he was staring at me. I must look ridiculous._ L pulled Light’s tie from around his head. “Sorry,” he said. “I was rather childish yesterday, Light-kun. I will try not to do it again.”

“Don’t worry.” Light laughed. “I didn’t mind.  It was quite cute.” _Cute? He thought I was cute? But I’m L! I’m not cute._

L ate the last of the chocolates. _I do feel a little more awake now. I still don’t want to get up but, I guess we should._

“Shall we get up then, Light-kun?”

“Sure,” Light said. “If you’re feeling better. We should probably shower quickly; we took the day off yesterday, and we’re already late.”

 

#

 

Light rubbed shampoo into his scalp a little more aggressively than usual. _Just stop it, Light. Stop._ _He is so far out of your league. Just stop this now, before you ruin everything. That stunt last night, telling him you loved him? That was stupid. Stupid, stupid, STUPID._ Light slammed his fist into the wall and the tiles cracked, cutting into his knuckles. “Fuck!”

 

 

 “Light-kun?” L called. “Are you ok?” _Light is usually nice and polite. He doesn’t usually shout swear words… except when he’s angry. But why would the shower make him angry?_

“It’s nothing, L,” Light called back. “I just slipped, that’s all. I hit my hand on the wall.”

“Oh,” L said. _He’s lying._ _Why is he lying? If he’d slipped enough to hurt himself, I would have felt the tug on the chain._ L sighed and returned to washing in silence. If Light didn’t want to tell him the truth, what was the point in asking anything more?

As L stepped out of his shower cubicle, he noticed that Light was holding his un-cuffed hand behind his back. He looked guilty. _That’s strange._

“What are you hiding, Light-kun?”

“Nothing,” Light said.

 _Stop lying to me!_ L grabbed Light’s arm and pulled it towards him. _Blood?_ L traced his finger over Light’s knuckles. “Light-kun? He said. “Did you punch the wall again?”

Light looked down at his fist and felt his cheeks burn. _You shouldn’t have lied, you idiot. Of course, L was going to work out the truth. He’s L. That’s what he does. That’s why you-_ Light took a deep breath.

“Yeah,” he said. “Sorry I lied about it, L. It’s just a bit embarrassing.”

“Why did you do it?” L asked, still holding onto Light’s arm. “Are you angry? Is it me?”

“No,” Light sighed. “It’s not your fault, L. It’s just me. I guess I’m just stressed because of Kira… so let’s get dressed and catch the bastard, okay?”

“If you’re sure you’re okay.” L said. “Do you need a plaster?”

 

#

 

L sat at his computer. He was playing minesweeper and, when anyone looked his way, pretending to look for information on Kira. He was also spending a lot of time glancing to his left, where Light was combing through lists of recent deaths from all over the world, and comparing the patterns to deaths attributed to Kira.  _I’m a detective. I should be doing that. It’s my job. I owe it to... well, not the dead criminals. They deserved it, really. But I owe it to Light. He’s working so hard to clear his name and it’s my fault he’s a suspect._ L sighed. _I could just tell everyone that I was mistaken, and Light was innocent all along… but then he’d leave._

 

Light closed one document, opened another and started scrolling through it. He’d been scrolling through documents for hours, but he hadn’t read any of them. He’d angled his computer monitor just enough that he could see L’s reflection in the screen and had been watching the detective all day. He didn’t feel too bad for only pretending to work; L had played, and won, 279 games of minesweeper. _Perhaps his sugar-low is affecting his concentration? He doesn’t look like he wants to be here._

“L?” Light whispered as loudly as he could. “Are you feeling better now?”

L smiled. “No,” he said, imitating Light’s stage whisper. “Not really. I think I should probably go back to bed.”

“Are you okay, L?” Watari and Soichiro asked in unison.

“I’m fine.” L said.

“But,” Matsuda said. “We couldn’t help overhearing, and you just told Light you should to go back to bed.”

“Please,” Mr Yagami said. “Don’t be a martyr, L. If you are unwell you should rest.”

“Well,” L sighed. “The truth is...” He stood up. “I think I may be ill,”

 Light turned back to his computer to hide his smile. _Trust him to overact it._ The face L was pulling suggested he had only weeks, maybe months to live.

 

#

 

L climbed back into bed and wriggled down under the duvet _. I do seem to be sleeping more lately. Perhaps having Light around is helping me to relax._ L yawned. “Good night, well, afternoon, Light-kun.”

“Sweet dreams, L.” Light said, closing the curtains and climbing into bed beside him.

 “Light-kun?” L said. “Are you tired too?” _Maybe I really am ill, and he’s caught the same bug._

“Not really,” Light said. “But I may as well take a nap now. You’ll probably be awake all night and, this way, I can stay up with you.”

“That’s very nice of you Light-kun, but I don’t mind staying up by myself.” L said, “I’m used to being on my own.”

“I like your company, L.” Light said, rolling onto his side. “Sleep well.”

L closed his eyes and shuffled slightly closer to Light’s warmth. “You too, Light-kun.”

 

#

 

Hours later, L opened his eyes and Light suddenly turned away. _Has he been staring at me again? He was probably just waiting for me to wake up. I guess he wasn’t able to nap, after all._

L glanced at the clock. It was almost midnight. “Light-kun?” he said. “Are you sure you don’t want to sleep tonight?”

“I’m sure,” Light said. “I got a few hours’ sleep. I’d like to stay up with you, if you don’t mind.”

“I would like that,” L said. “I, um, I enjoy your company too, Light-kun.”

Light sighed. _Have I upset him? How can I cheer him up? What does he enjoy?_

“Light-kun,” L said. “I believe this hotel has a swimming pool. We could go for a swim, if you’d like…”

“That sounds great,” Light said. _Did he just lick his lips? Perhaps thinking about the water is making him thirsty._ L frowned. _And now he’s gone strawberry again._

“Light-kun?”

Light didn’t reply. He was staring into space and smiling. _Perhaps he really is unwell._

“Light-kun?” L tapped him on the shoulder.  “Are we going then?”

“Oh, yes, of course,” Light said, standing up. “Let’s go.”

 

#

 

“Hey L,” Light shouted, pointing at the highest diving board. “I bet you can’t dive off that!”

“Of course, I could, Light-kun, but the chain would be problematic.”

L tried to splash him.   _Not the hair!_ Light struggled to get away and slipped under water. _Damn it._ Light resurfaced, stuck his tongue out at the detective and pushed his now dripping hair back from his face.

“You chicken?” Light laughed.

“Fine!” L snapped, dragging Light through the water. _Oh._ Light looked up at the diving board. _I was only joking._ _We can’t dive like this... Fuck. But I can’t chicken out now. I suggested it._ Light watched L climb out of the pool. _Stop staring at his arse!_ Light followed him and pushed his wet hair back again. He did try not to look up as L climbed the ladder ahead of him, but not very hard. _You are such a pervert, Light Yagami._

 

L forced himself to take the last few steps and crawled onto the diving board. He gripped the edge with both hands and peered over the edge, while he waited for Light to finish climbing. He closed his eyes and saw newspapers floating in the pool below him. _‘WORLDS GREATEST DETECTIVE, DEAD!’ ‘L KILLED IN FREAK DIVING ACCIDENT!’ ‘HANDCUFFED MEN DROWN IN HOTEL POOL.’_ L blinked and shuffled away from the edge. _‘KIRA WINS: L KILLED IN SWIMMING POOL.’ ‘HANDCUFFS, HOTELS AND HEIGHTS’ ‘MIDNIGHT STUNT AT HOTEL POOL LEADS TO THE TRAGIC DEMISE OF L’ ‘SEX GAMES GONE WRONG?’_ L shook his head and scrambled back to the sturdy end of the board. He pulled his knees to his chest, closed his eyes and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyelids. _People do this all the time. It’s safe. If it wasn’t safe it would be illegal. You will be fine. Light is here. Light will protect you. Light is here. Light is here. Light…_

Light reached the top of the ladder and stopped. _What’s he doing?_ L was sitting on the diving board with his back to ladder, murmuring something under his breath and rocking back and forth.

“L?” Light said. The muttering stopped. Light put one hand on L’s shoulder. _He’s shaking._ “L, are you okay?” _He looks like he’s going to pass out._ “L?”

“I don’t…” L took a deep breath. “I don’t really like heights, Light-kun,” he whispered.

“I, I didn’t know,” Light said. “Look, I’m sorry L. We don’t have to do this. We’ll just go back down the ladder.”

“No.” L whispered. “I can do this. I, I can’t give up now. I won’t lose to you, Light-kun.” _Crap. Why does everything have to be competition with him?_ Light sighed. “L, it’s fine. You’re probably right anyway. This isn’t a good idea with the handcuffs.”

“I’m fine,” L said, standing up and walking slowly and carefully along the board. “I can do it.” _Fuck. There’s no way he’s going to go down the ladder, is there? You are such an idiot, Light!_

“L,” he said. “I shouldn’t have suggested it. We could get hurt… Or, we’d have to jump off together.” Light joined L at the end of the diving board and wrapped his arms around him.

“Huh?” L frowned. “You want us to jump, like this?”

“I don’t want you to get hurt, L. It’s my fault you’re determined to do this. Don’t be frightened. We’ll do it together.” Light brushed L’s wet hair away from his eyes.

“Okay… I guess.” L put his arms around Light’s waist and closed his eyes.

 _Do it! Kiss him, now._ Light leant forwards and licked his lips. He could taste L’s trembling breath on his tongue. _No._ Light pulled his face away from L’s. _Not here. Not now. Not while he’s clinging to you in fear. Maybe… someday? But not now. Just get him through this. You’ll have to try and hit the water first, to break the impact, and then move him out of the way so he doesn’t get hit by the fucking chain. This was such a stupid idea._

“Ready?”

L nodded.

Light shuffled them closer to the edge of the diving board.

L’s hold on him tightened.

Light took a deep breath and launched them over the edge.

 

 _Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh fuck!_ L opened his eyes as they fell. He looked wildly around for the length of chain that was sure to land heavily on top of them, knocking them both unconscious and causing them to drown at the bottom of the pool. _The pool!_ L looked down and the blueness grew as it rose to meet them. He shut his eyes. “Goodbye, Light-kun,” he whispered. “I love you.” He didn’t think the sounds had actually emerged, but at least he’d tried, again, to tell Light how he felt, seeing as this was going to be the end of it all.

L heard the crash, or the splash… whatever it was, it was loud. The water rose around them. _Sinking! Drowning?!_ Suddenly, Light pushed him away. _Don’t leave me!_ L opened his eyes. Someone’s had lost a room key at the bottom of the pool. He turned around. Light was swimming up, away from him. _Light-kun! Come back…_  A dark shape was growing beyond Light, above the surface. _Is that the chain?_ _Is he…_ _Light is trying to protect me._ _But he’ll get hurt!_ L struggled to swim towards the teenager.

“Light-”  water flooded L’s mouth. _Light-kun! Help! Light-Ku…_ The water around L lost its blue, becoming dull and hazy.  Then, all was black.


	8. Friday 30th July 2004

“L, L!” Light heard his own voice echo eerily around empty swimming pool as he knelt beside L’s body.  His voice sounded wrong. Distorted. _This is all wrong. This is all so fucking wrong!_ “Don’t Die,” he whispered. “Please, L! You can’t die...” _I love you_. “I fucking love you!” Light’s breath caught in his throat. “Wake up,” he choked. “Please, L, please... just wake up.” Light sobbed. “Wake the fuck up.”

Light took a deep breath and tried to remember the first aid course he’d done after school last year. He tipped L’s head back and opened the detective’s mouth. He lowered his face to L’s. _Thank fuck. He’s still breathing. He’s alive!_ Light took a deep breath and began hunting for L’s pulse. _Fuck._ He let L’s wrist fall to the floor and pressed his fingers to the detective’s neck. T _hat’s it! He’s okay. He’s going to be okay._  Light slipped his arms around L and picked him up. 

 

#

 

“WATARI!” Light yelled, kicking at the door with his bare foot. “OPEN UP, PLEASE!”

The door opened a crack and the old man peered out. “Yagami-kun!” he said. “What is the meaning of-” Watari’s brows drew together and his eyes narrowed. “What have you done?!” Watari tore the door open, snatched L from Light’s arms and carried him to the bed.

“I’ve checked his breathing and circulation,” Light said. “I think... I think he’ll be okay?”

“Sit,” Watari snapped. Light dropped into the chair beside the bed. Watari locked the door and turned to face Light with an expression of pure rage. _What the fuck? I thought he was a gentle old man, a bit grouchy but not...  fucking mental._   “Explain!” Watari said.

“We went swimming,” Light said, looking at L. _Watari doesn’t seem concerned, just angry... So, that’s got to mean L’s okay. Yes. He’ll be all right when he wakes up. He’s fine._

“Swimming?” Watari said, walking slowly across the room, towards Light.

 “Yes…” Light said. “L had, um, a shock?”

“A shock?” Watari paused beside Light’s chair and glared down at him.

Light stood up. “We were diving from the boards,” he said. He was taller than Watari and now that he was pretty sure L would be okay, he wasn’t going to let the old man intimidate him.

“L,” Watari said, “is afraid of heights. This is your fault. I knew you were going to hurt him.”

“I know,” Light said. “I know it’s my fault.  I’d never have suggested it, if I’d known.”

“You can drop the act now, Kira,” Watari spat. “You did this on purpose.”

“I’m not fucking Kira!” Light shouted. “And I would never try to hurt L. I love him, okay? I LOVE HIM! I only brought him here because I thought you’d know if he was okay. But you haven’t even checked!”

“Don’t you raise your voice to me,” Watari said. “I should-”

Light punched him.

Watari blinked and staggered backwards. He gripped the edge of the side table with one hand and grabbed the bottle of port with the other. He raised it above his head and lunged at Light.

Light dodged out of the way and Watari crashed into the wall behind him, knocking his head against the bedpost.

“You’re pathetic,” Light said, picking L up again and striding past the unconscious old man. 

 

#

 

L took a deep breath. _Ow! That hurts…_   He tried a much shallower breath. His throat still burned, but it was bearable. _Why am I so weak?_ L opened his eyes. He was in his hotel room. The hotel room he shared with... Light-kun? He remembered being with Light. They’d gone swimming and then... _Oh!_ L remembered now.  He remembered struggling to breathe, to scream. He remembered the water burning his lungs. He remembered Light swimming away, trying to protect him from the chain falling towards them. _So,is Light dead?_ L felt his insides crumble. _No! He can’t be. Light can’t be dead. He can’t be!_ L raised his left arm. The handcuff was still there. “Light-kun?” he called out, grimacing as his throat burned again and his voice came out raspy and unfamiliar.

“L?” Light’s head came into view. “L, how do you feel? I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry...”

“Light-kun,” L said. “Did you save me?”

“No,” Light sighed. “Don’t look at me like that L. You’d never have needed saving if I wasn’t such an idiot.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Light-kun. I wanted to do it. You even tried to talk me out of it.” L felt himself blush but, for once, he didn’t care. “Thank you, Light-kun,” he said, “for saving my life.”

 

Light ran one hand through his hair. _Don’t thank me, L. I didn’t save your life, I risked it!_ Light sighed. _Why is he still looking at me like that? He should be angry... I wish he were angry with me. I don’t deserve this._

“Can I get you anything, L?” Light said. “Something soothing for your throat? ice-cream, maybe? I’ll make it up to you, L. I’ll take care of you.”

“Ice-cream?” L whispered. “Yes, that would be nice. Thank you Light-kun.”

 

#

 

Light had left the door unlocked when he’d carried L to their room, so he didn’t have to move from the man’s side when the room service arrived. He told the young woman who to bring it over to them, which she did, determinedly looking anywhere but at either of them, or the handcuffs.

“It’s not what you think,” Light called after her as she rushed out, closing the door behind her. “L?” he said, brushing the detective’s hair away from his face. “L?  The ice-cream is here. Are you awake?”

“Hello, Light-kun,” L whispered, opening his eyes. “Ice cream?” Light helped L to sit up against the headboard and held up the bowl of ice-cream, so he could see it. “And chocolate?” L said. “I think I need chocolate.”

“Anything you want.” Light said, rummaging in L’s bedside drawer.

“Anything, Light-kun?” L whispered. _That look, it’s… playful?_ “Are you sure you mean anything? Anything at all?”

“Of course, L,” Light said. “Consider me your slave for the day, or until you get better.” _Or forever._ Light sighed. _I’d do anything not to feel like that again. I can’t... I can’t lose you. I can’t lose this, whatever it is._

“In that case,” L grinned. “I would like you to feed me, Light-kun.”

“Feed you?” Light said. “Sure, I guess. Do you want the chocolate first? Or the ice-cream?”

“Ice cream,” L said.

Light scooped some of the strawberry ice-cream onto a spoon and moved it towards L. The detective smiled and parted his lips _Wow._ Light slipped the spoon into his mouth. _I forgot how sexy he is when he eats._ Light forced himself to look away as L released the spoon. _You should not_ _be getting turned on by this, Light Yagami! He almost drowned!_ Light plunged the spoon back into the ice-cream and brought it to L’s lips again. This time L moaned softly as he swallowed. _Oh god. He has to be doing this on purpose! Nobody is this hot by accident. But… if he is doing it intentionally, does that mean… Does he like me?_

“Chocolate, now?” Light said.

“Yes please!” _At least his voice is sounding a little better now. The ice-cream must have helped his throat._

Light unwrapped a chocolate and brought it slowly to L’s lips. L opened his mouth. Light smiled and pulled the chocolate away.

“Hey!” L pouted. “Not fair.”

Light climbed onto the bed.

L’s eyes widened. “Light-kun?”

Light crawled over the duvet, straddling L’s legs and gently placing one hand on his shoulder.

“Light-kun,” L whispered. “What, what are you doing?” Light could feel, and taste, L’s sweet breath on his face.  

“Close your eyes.” he said. L stared at him. _Please. Please close your eyes, L. Want me._

L closed his eyes.

Light took a deep breath. _I can’t believe I’m doing this. But, I have to try. I have to know._ Light leant forwards and placed his lips lightly on L’s.

 

L froze. _That’s not a chocolate._ _Is he… Is he kissing me?_ Light’s lips moved against his. _He is. Light Yagami is kissing me! I am being kissed. Am I supposed to do something?_ L tried to imitate the motion of Light’s lips with his own. _This is… I am kissing. I am kissing Light._ _It’s… it’s quite nice._ Suddenly, the feeling changed. Light’s mouth pressed harder against L’s. The grip on his shoulder tightened. Light’s tongue flicked at L’s lips, forcing them apart. L froze. _I can’t breathe. I can’t… I don’t understand._ Light’s hand, the one that had been holding the chocolate, slipped behind L’s neck. Fingers tangled in his hair and the pressure forcing him to tilt his head backwards. _No. I don’t like this. This isn’t…_

 

Light pressed his body against the L’s. He moved his hand from L’s shoulder to run down the older man’s body. _He wants me.  He’s kissing me back and… He wants me._ Light felt L’s hands on his shoulders. _Yes. Touch me, L._

L shoved him backwards. Light toppled off the bed and landed in a confused heap on the floor.  _Huh?_ “L?” _Shit. I went too far, didn’t I?_

“Go AWAY,” L shouted. “I hate you.”

“I’m sorry, L.” Light said. “I thought… I thought you liked me”

“Liked you?” L said. “I did like you, Light-kun. I thought you were my friend.” _Past tense? Fuck._ _FUCK! You should have been happy with friendship! He’s straight! You idiot, Light. Why the fuck did you have to ruin it!_

“I am your friend L,” Light picked himself up and sat down at the foot of the bed. “I’ll always be your friend.” He sighed. “But, I… I love you.” Light knew his face was bright red, but he didn’t care. “L, I love you!”

 

“I don’t want to hear it,” L said. _Stop lying to me, Light-kun. Are you Kira? Are you doing this to make me release you? Well it won’t work. I am L. No one has ever loved me. I know better than to believe that you._

“I’m sorry, L,” Light said. “Look, can we just forget about this? Please?” Light turned away and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. “I won’t mention it again, ever! If that’s, if that’s what you want… Just please, please L,” Light turned back to look at him. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. Don’t hate me. Please, just don’t hate me.”

L sighed. _I don’t want to hate you Light-kun! But I, I just don’t know what you’re playing at… You confuse me. Why do you always confuse me?! You saved my life and then, and then you… I love you, Light-kun, but I, I don’t understand. Do you mean it? We can just not mention this... this… whatever it was?_

 “Fine,” he snapped. “But you can’t… you can’t do that, that thing, again.” _Although… it felt nice, at the start._ L shook his head. _No. It did not feel nice. I did not like it. I am L. L does not like kissing. L does not like men. L does not love his suspects. L does not love anyone. And, and no one loves L!_ “Light-kun,” he said. “I believe you were supposed to be feeding me a chocolate. If you can manage that without attacking me, then maybe…” L looked up. _Is Light crying?_ “Maybe I will like you, again…” L sighed.

Light nodded. “Okay. I… Sure.” Light walked around the bed and returned to his chair beside it.


	9. Saturday 31st July 2004

L was exhausted, physically, mentally and, for the first time he could remember, emotionally. But he’d known he wouldn’t sleep the moment his head touched the pillow. L had insisted on going to bed early, just to get the horrible day over with and Light had agreed. Well, Light had nodded and done as L asked. But, when the lights went out, the awkwardness between them had somehow intensified. L had known Light wasn’t sleeping either and he had been about to suggest getting up again. But then he’d heard Light’s breathing change and felt the mattress tremble as Light sobbed silently into his pillow.

L had hated himself then. He’d tried to tell himself that it was merely Kira crying over a foiled plan. But he knew that wasn’t it. Light had been telling the truth. As impossible as it seemed, Light loved him.

L had wanted to roll over, to reach out and comfort him. He’d wanted to tell Light he was sorry, that he loved him too and that he’d been an idiot. But he couldn’t. Light wouldn’t want to know he was awake. Light wouldn’t want L to see him cry. At least, L didn’t think he would. So, he lay in bed beside the sobbing teenager and tried to think of a way to put things right.

So far, he hadn’t found a solution. Light had finally fallen asleep a few hours ago and L had been relieved to hear his breathing return to normal. Those sobs would haunt him for a long time yet. L rolled over. Light was facing away from him. _I’m so stupid. I shouldn’t have pushed him away. I shouldn’t have… How can I put it right? Light promised never to mention it again… so there won’t be, there won’t be a next time for me to respond to him properly._ _That means it’s down to me to do something. I have to tell him, or… initate something? But, how?_ L sighed. His intellect wouldn’t help him here, and he had no experience to draw on. He was sure that anything he tried would only make things worse. Light wouldn’t understand. _He’d think I had an ulterior motive. He’d think I was using him, like… like I thought he was using me._

 

Light opened sore eyes and poked at his puffy eyelids. _So much for hiding it from him._ Light wondered if L was awake yet. He checked his watch. _Only 4am? Fuck. I don’t know if I can sleep anymore._ Light closed his eyes. _He kissed me back. I know I didn’t imagine that. L kissed me back. So, maybe… maybe he does… No- But it felt so right._ Light sighed. _It wasn’t like kissing a girl. His lips…_ Light felt a tear run down his face to join the wet patch on his pillow. _L, I’m sorry. I just… I thought you- What the fuck?_

Light opened his eyes. What was that banging? He sat up. L was sitting against the headboard with his knees pulled to his chest and staring at the door.

The knocking got louder and L bit his lip. He looked worried. Light took his hand. Then he remembered and let go.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

“Light-kun, I-”

“Who’s there?” Light shouted.

“LET ME IN!” _Shit._

 

“Watari?” L climbed out of bed. _Why does Watari keep visiting in the middle of the night?_

“L?” Watari called through the door, “L? Is that you? You’re okay?”

“I’m fine, Watari,” L said. “Please calm down.” _Why is he so worried?_ “Light-kun, did you tell him about the pool? Light-kun?” _Are you… hiding under the duvet?_

“Um, yes?” Light whispered. _Is Light hiding from Watari?_ L shrugged and walked over to open the door. He would have to ignore Light’s strange behaviour for the minute.

“Watari?” he said. “Oh! What happened to your face?”

“Him,” Watari hissed, pointing at the Light-shaped mound under the duvet.

“Light did this?” _How? Why? What on earth did I miss?_ “Light-kun?”

Light emerged from under the duvet. _He looks so… defeated? Did I do that?_ L sighed. _I’ve got to fix this._

 

“Yes,” Light said, staring at the ugly pattern on the carpet. “It’s true, L. I, um, I punched him.” _And then he tried to bottle me…_

He looked up. L was frowning, his gaze flicking between Light and Watari.

“Why, Light-kun?” L said. _He sounds bored. Why isn’t he mad? Doesn’t he mind? I thought he liked Watari… Doesn’t he care?_

“I’m sorry.” Light said, returning his attention to the carpet. “I, um, I took you to him, while you were unconscious and, well, I…  You don’t want to hear it but, basically, I got angry. Watari was more interested in yelling at me than making sure you were okay. I’m... I’m sorry, L.”

“Liar,” Watari said. “Of course, I was worried about L, but it soon became apparent that he was in no immediate danger, except from you.” _He seems so calm and rational now. What happened to the scary guy? This version of Watari… only a complete bastard would punch a nice old man. L’s going to hate me._

“What do you mean?” L said. “Why would Light-kun be dangerous?”

“Other than because you believe him to be Kira?” Watari sighed. “I told you before, L. I warned you that it is not only your friendship Yagami is interested in. Well, yesterday he admitted it. Then,” Watari glared at Light, “he knocked me out.” _That doesn’t make me dangerous! You’re twisting it. Besides, you knocked yourself out._

“Well,” L said. “I’m sure it’s all just a big misunderstanding.” _A misunderstanding?_ “Light-kun has apologised and… he was only concerned for me. You may go now, Watari. Is everything prepared for this evening?” _Huh?_ _What’s happening this evening?_

Watari stared at L. “Yes,” he said. “Everything is, is ready, but L, in light, in light of the situation…” he glanced at Light. “I would suggest that you wait until the rest of us can accompany you, on Monday.”

“What situation?” L smiled. “No. We will go tonight. I could do with a change of scenery.” _Go? Go where?_

“As you wish,” Watari said. He glared at Light. Then he left and closed the door behind him.

“Are you angry?” Light said.

 “No.” L sat down on the edge of the bed and motioned for Light to join him. Light sat down. L scooted closer. “As I said, it’s all a misunderstanding.” L put an arm around Light’s shoulders. Light froze. _A misunderstanding? I don’t... What?_ Light wriggled out from under L’s arm and stood up.

 “Please, L,” he said.  “Don’t do this to me.”

 “Do what?”

 “Just, just don’t touch me,” Light said. “Please.”

“Don’t... don’t touch you?” L blinked. “Not at all?”

Light sighed. “Look, L, I know you don’t want to hear this,” he said, examining the carpet again. “But, I just… I can’t keep this up.” Light looked at L. “You can’t keep leading me on like this. It’s not fair, L.”

 

 _Leading him on?_ L sighed. “I can’t touch you, Light-kun? Not ever?”

Light nodded

“But,” L said. “Can’t we just go back to how we were, before-”

“No,” Light said. “I thought… I thought we could but, I can’t do it. Not now I know how you feel.”

 _Tell him! Tell him how you really feel. Tell him you love him!_ L sighed. _I... I can’t. I don’t, I-_ “Okay, Light-kun,” he said. “I, I won’t touch you.”

Light nodded again. _He looks so sad, but... I just, I can’t. I don’t know how._

“Shall we shower now, Light-kun?” L said. “This will be our last shower here.”

 “Okay,” Light sighed. “Are we changing hotels?”

 “No,” L said. “Our new headquarters are almost ready. The two of us will move in tonight. Everyone else will join us on Monday.”

 

#

 

L smiled as the warm water hit his skin, finally washing away the chlorine from the pool. He closed his eyes and leant against the cubicle wall. It was a relief to be away from Light, even if it wasn’t far. L sighed. He didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t realised how often he and Light touched until he’d had to stop. _I guess I knew we were more... tactile, than normal friends, but he started it. I’ve never had a friend before. I was just following his lead and it was… it was nice._ L ran his fingers through his hair. _This is going to be hard._ He’d forgotten once already and tried to hold Light’s hand as they walked to the showers.  Light had pulled away as if L’s hand were something filthy. L opened his eyes and examined his fingernails. _Don’t be ridiculous, L. It’s not a big deal. It’s just a hand._ L squirted shampoo into his palm and began rubbing it into his scalp. The strawberry smell was usually soothing, but today it didn’t help at all. _What am I going to do? I can’t just leave things like this, he’s so miserable._ L sighed. For the first time since they’d been chained together, Light had worn a shirt to bed. He’d not taken it off before getting into his shower cubicle, and L imagined it was now hanging neatly over the door.  _It’s like he doesn’t want me to see him anymore... like he’s embarrassed. I can’t have crushed his confidence that much. I just can’t have. He’s beautiful and, well, compared to me..._ L rinsed the shampoo out of his hair and watched the bubbles cascade down his pale skin towards the drain.

 

Light’s face was already soaked by the time he turned on the shower. The second he was alone, the tears he’d been holding back all morning had broken free. He struggled out of his pyjamas, fumbling with the buttons on his shirt.

He’d obviously been mistaken in thinking L was attracted to him. The detective had been all too clear on that point. What Light didn’t understand was how he’d got it so wrong. _He’s probably straight... I guess I misread everything._ Light twisted the shower head and the stream of water condensed into a hard pounding against his skin. _But, he kissed me back. He liked it. For a moment, I’m sure he liked it. But then… then he thought about it, I guess. He, he doesn’t want me. Why would he?_ Light looked down at his body. _I’m not skinny like him, and I have too much body hair. L’s skin is so smooth and soft and… I have ugly knees!  I’m... I’m just ugly, I guess. Girls seem to like me but, maybe I’m not…_ Light sobbed and raised his hand, examining his fingers and prodding the fleshy part of his palm. _But... L seems to like my hands. He’s always trying to hold my hand and... Well, I guess he actually touches me quite a lot, so, so maybe it’s not my body he hates? Maybe it isn’t something I can fix by working out or shaving... He just doesn’t like me._

 _Is it… is it because he thinks I’m Kira? Then, all I have to do is clear my name and- No._ _Don’t be stupid, Light. This is L. He doesn’t like you! Why would he? It’s not your body, it’s not that you might be Kira, it’s just you! He’s the smartest man in the world. He could have anyone he wanted! And, and what are you? Some dumb teenager who had a couple of lucky guesses? You’re not intelligent. You’re an idiot. If you were smart, you wouldn’t have kissed him! You wouldn’t have ruined fucking everything!_

 

L was not enjoying the shower anymore. Light had started talking to himself on the other side of the wall, and L didn’t know what to do. The rushing water drowned a lot of it out but L was pretty sure Light didn’t realise he was speaking aloud. There was no way he’d want anyone to hear this. Thankfully, it was early and the hotel’s other guests were still in bed.

L could only pick out the odd word here and there, through the rushing water and the horrific sobs, but everything he heard made him feel terrible. _He’s blaming himself? He thinks he’s… ugly? What have I done?_ L took a deep breath. He was going to have to do it. He didn’t have a choice. Light had to know. _But, he would hate to know I could hear this_.

 

 

#

 

“Hello everyone” L said, as he and Light joined the Task Force.

They stared at him. _What… What’s wrong? What do they know?_

“Are you feeling better now, L?” Matsuda asked, looking up from the latest issue of Eighteen magazine. _Better? Do they know I nearly drowned? I guess my voice is still wrong. Is that why they’re looking at me like that?_

 

“Unfortunately,” Light said. “L is still feeling unwell, but he’s much better than he was.” L turned to stare blankly at Light. _Come on, L._ “I think,” Light said. “L is still a bit delirious. He’s had a fever for the past two days. It got worse after we left on Thursday.”

Eventually, L nodded.

Light sighed. _Looks like he’s remembered._ L coughed and looked around, as if he were bewildered by the whole room. _Overacting again._ Light smiled.  He was barely keeping himself together, but he couldn’t help adoring everything about the man he was chained to. L shuffled over to his chair. Light disguised his laugh with a cough. L’s usual stance and appearance, coupled with his attempt to look ill, made him look like an extra in a low budget zombie film.

Light followed L to their usual computers and sat down. His monitor was still tilted at the same angle and Light watched as L’s reflection reached one hand towards a plate of chocolates that had been left on his desk. Light grabbed the corner of the monitor, ready to turn it away. He didn’t want to watch L eat. Not now. But the detective’s hand merely hovered over the plate. Then L sighed and returned his hand to the mouse. _Isn’t he hungry? L’s always hungry. Or… did I put him off chocolate? Is he that disgusted by what happened?_ Light watched L’s expression. _I’ve ruined chocolate for him. He’s going to hate me._ L looked up and turned to face Light. _Fuck. He knows I was looking._ Light twisted his monitor back to its original position and started rifling through a pile of papers on his desk.

“Light-kun?”

“Yes?” Light looked up.

“Would you like a chocolate?” L moved the plate to the space between them on the desk and picked up one of the pink wrapped sweets.

“Um…”

“Go on.” L smiled.

“Thanks.” _This is weird._ Light took one of the sweets. L smiled again, popped his own chocolate into his mouth and nodded at Light.

Light tried to smile back, but judging by how confused L looked, it didn’t come across as natural. Light returned to shuffling papers around and wiped his eyes with his shirtsleeve. He glanced back at L. The detective was frowning at his keyboard.  _Thank fuck, he didn’t notice. Pull yourself together, Light. You can’t let anyone see this. Anyone._

Light found himself gazing at L’s hands. The detective held the mouse so lightly, so gently. _Those fingers... I- Fuck it._ Light slammed his own mouse against the desk. He wanted those hands on him. He’d hated feeling L’s touch this morning and knowing it meant nothing to the detective. But this was worse.

 

L wondered if he could quit again, claim that he was still too ill to work and go back to his room with Light. There was no way he wanted to catch Kira now. Not when it could mean sending the one person who truly cared for him to his death. L scrolled the wheel on the mouse. He wasn’t sure what to do. He needed some excuse not to look for Kira, and he needed to find a way of telling Light how he felt. He sighed and popped another chocolate into his mouth. _We should never have gone swimming. I should have let him talk me out of jumping. I should have-_

“…L?” L blinked. “L?” Light whispered.

L turned to look at him.

“Forget what I said this morning,” Light said. “It’s fine… I can take it.” _What? What you said this morning? About… about touching?_ L frowned _. I’m allowed to touch him now? But, he was so against it this morning?_ L got up and moved round to stand behind Light’s chair. He leant over Light’s shoulder, pretending to point at something on the screen. Light didn’t move. L hugged him.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered in Light’s ear. _Sorry I can’t tell you. I will. I just… I can’t._

Light couldn’t breathe. It felt so good to have L’s arms around him, to feel L’s fingers gently stroking his arm and L’s hot breath in his ear. _But this, this is going to kill me. I can’t… I, this is- Sorry? Why are you sorry?_ Light sighed. _Don’t apologise to me L. You can’t help being you, being perfect._

Light wiped his face on his sleeve again. L’s arms tightened around his shoulders. He needed to get out of here. He couldn’t afford to lose his composure in front of everyone. He stood up and started walking towards the door. _I just… I need a minute. I can’t-_

 

“Light?” L darted forwards and managed to break Light’s fall, guiding him back into his chair. _What’s wrong?_ “Light-kun?!”

“What’s happened?” Soichiro rushed to L’s side, knocking Matsuda over as he hurried across the room. He took Light’s wrist and, after a few moments, he nodded. “It’s okay,” he said. “He’s just fainted.”

 _Fainted?_ “I think,” L said. “I think, he’ll be okay. He must have caught this awful fever of mine.” _I should take him back to our room. He didn’t sleep well, so perhaps he just needs to rest._  L contemplated trying to carry Light, the way he assumed Light had carried him when he was unconscious. _I... I don’t think I can. I don’t want to drop him._ L grabbed the back of Light’s chair and pushed it towards the door. One of the wheels squeaked a little, but it was the most practical solution to hand. “I’ll take care of him. See you all later.” L said, pushing Light’s chair out into the corridor.

When he reached their room, L awkwardly moved Light from the chair to the bed. Then he removed Light’s shoes. _Why does he insist on wearing socks?_ L shook his head. _It can’t be healthy_. L peeled the socks from Light’s feet. He’d never seen Light’s toes up close before. They were quite nice. _He really shouldn’t cover them up all the time._ L tucked Light in and sat at the foot of the bed. _I hope he’s okay... Is it my fault he passed out? I... I hope he isn’t ill._

 L lay down beside Light and watched him sleep. He still didn’t seem to be sleeping as well as he usually did. He was tossing and turning, occasionally murmuring something unintelligible. L decided to remove the tie from around Light’s neck. _That must be very uncomfortable to sleep in._ L had never worn a tie himself, unless you included the clip-on one Watari had insisted on for certain occasions during his childhood. L examined the tie for a few seconds. He pulled on the long bit. _No. That can’t be right._ Eventually he figured out the knot and managed to slip it out of the collar. _That doesn’t feel like it’s very comfortable._ L was perfectly used to looking at Light’s chest by now, but it still felt like he was unveiling some incredible piece of artwork as he unfastened the buttons of Light’s shirt.

 

Light opened his eyes. “L?!” He swatted at the detective’s hands. “Get off me!” Light scrambled out of bed. “What the fuck do you- Crap-” Light caught hold of the bedside table to steady himself. _Probably shouldn’t have got up so quick… what the hell is this?_

“I, I was only trying to make you more comfortabl,” L said. _Why is he staring at me like that? Oh._ Light hastily refastened the buttons of his shirt.

“Well, next time, don’t.  How the fuck did we get back here anyway?” Light sat down on the edge of the bed. “And would you… would you just stop staring at me, please?”

“We are back here because you passed out Light-kun,” L snapped. “And, for your information, I am perfectly entitled to stare at whatever I want.”

“Fine. Whatever.” Light snatched his tie from L’s pillow. “Let’s just go back to work.”

“No.” L sighed, crawling across the bed to sit beside him. “Light-kun, I need to know why you fainted… Did you, did you feel unwell beforehand?”

“No,” Light said. “I… Sorry. I shouldn’t have been angry just now. I know you don’t, um… you don’t mean to hurt me.” Light threw his arms around L, pulling him into a tight hug. “I’m so sorry.”

 “Please, don’t cry, Light-kun,” L said. “You, um… you’re making my shirt damp. And, of course, I don’t want to hurt you. To tell the truth, I think I should explain how I feel… about, about you. I-”

“Please don’t,” Light said. _Don’t L. Not again. I know you don’t want me… I can’t take hearing it again._

“But,” L said. “Light-kun, you don’t understand, I-” Light pulled back from the hug and clasped a hand to L’s mouth.

“Please, L,” he said. “Let’s just go back to being friends. Okay? Exactly as we were.”

L nodded, and Light removed his hand. “But, you said this morning that we couldn’t. You said not to touch you. Ever.”

“I already told you,” Light said. “I changed my mind. It’s my problem. I’ll deal with it.”

 

#

 

L held the door open and Light pushed his chair back down the corridor to headquarters. Light still didn’t seem quite right, but L didn’t know what he could do about that, at the moment. Light clearly didn’t want to talk.

“Are you alright, son?” Soichiro asked as they walked back to their computers. _Why does he look so worried?_ L frowned. _It’s like he thought something terrible had happened._

“I’m fine,” Light said. “I guess I was just tired and… stressed out.”

“Thank god!” Soichiro hugged his son. “I thought… Kira, but you’re okay. You’re safe.” _Kira?_ L sighed. _I didn’t even consider that. I guess I’m so used to thinking about Light and Kira as one… but Soichiro is right. If Light isn’t Kira, he’s in as much danger as the rest of us. I… I don’t know which option I prefer._

“Yeah,” Light said. “I’m alright, now.”

“Are you sure?” Watari said. _What? Does_ _Watari care about Light now?_

“I’m fine,” Light said. “I just want to get back to work.”

“If you’re sure,” Watari said. “I was only wondering if, well, perhaps this situation is too much for you. After all, you’re so much younger than the rest of us. I wouldn’t be surprised if you found it difficult to keep up.”

“Light is fine,” L snapped. “His intelligence is very near my own so, if anything, I would expect the rest of you to have difficulty keeping up with us.”

Watari frowned. _So there._

“Thanks, L,” Light said. “Let’s get to work then.”

 

#

 

“Light-kun, are you done packing?” L asked, as Light put the last of his things into a small suitcase.

“Almost.” Light sat on top of the suitcase. “Could you give me a hand with this?”

 “What do you need me to do?” L crouched beside Light. “I really don’t think it’s going to shut.”

“Oh, it will,” Light said, tugging at the zip. “It will shut, if it knows what’s good for it.”

“I don’t think it does,” L sighed. “You know, seeing as it’s an inanimate object and all.”

Light climbed off the case and kicked it. “You sit on it.”

“Light-kun,” L said. “I don’t think- “

“Just sit on it.”

L sat on the case. _This is not going to work… his clothes are already as compressed as they can be and the case is still open at least three inches. It won’t shut._

Light knelt on the floor beside the case, and began trying to drag the zip around it, pressing it together with his hands as he went. _Oh. It’s working? Is Light… is he MORE intelligent than me?_ L leant forwards to watch Light’s progress. The zip reached the halfway point and stopped moving.

 

“Can you shift your-” Light looked up and found himself nose to nose with L. He blinked and let go of the zip.  The case sprang open and L toppled forwards, knocking Light to the floor.

 _Crap._ Light gazed up at L, hovering above him on hands and knees. _The way he’s looking at me it’s… it’s almost as if-_ Light closed his eyes. _Don’t be stupid._

“Light-kun,” L said. _Why does it feel like he’s leaning down? His breath is so close… strawberries and-_ “I’m sorry.” Light felt L move away from him. He opened his eyes, L was still hovering over him, as if he’d never moved. _But, I thought…_ Light blinked.

“L, please get off me.”

“I’m sorry, Light-kun,” L said, standing up and turning back to face the suitcase. “Please don’t cry because of me.”

“I’m not… I’m not crying!” Light’s voice cracked. “I… Why would I cry because of you?” Light stood up. “And even if… even if I was, why should you care? It’s not like you give a fuck.”

L knelt on the floor in front of Light’s case.

“Light-kun?” he said. “Seeing as you aren’t crying then, are you going to finish packing?”

Light wiped the tears from his face looked down at L. “What are you doing?!” He grabbed the detective’s arm and tried to pull him away.

“I am packing your things,” L said. “Please let go of me.”

“You’re not packing them,” Light snapped. “You’re destroying them!” He let go of L’s arm and rescued his favourite jumper from the pile.

“Thank you,” L said, screwing up another shirt and stuffing it into the chaos he’d created inside the case.

“Do you treat your own things like that?” Light said. 

“Of course,” L looked up and smiled at him. “I am just utilising the space more efficiently, Light-kun. The way you had packed everything was silly.”

 

#

 

L led Light into the entrance lobby of the new building. _It will be nice to have some time away from everyone else. Maybe, I’ll find a way to tell him…_

“Wow. This place is huge,” Light said.

“Yes. Well, we probably won’t need all the space,” L said. “But what’s important is that we have very tight security.” L pointed at the metal detectors they would have to pass through. “We should all be much safer here.”

“How are we supposed to get through with the handcuffs? It looks like it’s all computerised.”

L smiled. “We override it with the super special secret password, of course.”

Light frowned at him. “Seriously?”

 “…Which, only I know,” L said. _He doesn’t look very impressed._

L went to a panel on the wall and flipped out a concealed keyboard. _Looks like everything is where I specified._ L smiled at Light and then covered the keys with one hand as he typed the password with the other.

“You can’t use that as a password!” Light hissed. “Anyone who knows you could guess it.”

“What? How did you see?” _Does he have x-ray vision? Would Kira need x-ray vision?_

“I didn’t,” Light said. “I didn’t have to see it. I felt how many letters there were through the handcuff and I could see the expression on your face.” _What?_

“Stop bluffing Light-kun,” L laughed. “You don’t know my password.”

“Oh, really?” Light raised one eyebrow. “Wanna bet?”

“Fine,” L said. “What are we betting, Light-kun?”

“How about a box of ‘Strawberry Creams’?” _What?! How? He…_

“You saw!” L said. “That’s cheating!”

“No,” Light said. “I just know you.” _The, the expression on my face? What expression?_

“But, Light-kun, I-”

“Don’t worry about it,” Light said, taking L’s hand and leading him towards the now open door to the side of the metal detector.

 

Light wasn’t sure why L had decided they’d need an entire floor to themselves, but he was glad. It would be nice to have somewhere other than a bedroom where he could be alone with the detective.

“Shall we just go to bed now and explore in the morning?” L said. “You must still be tired.”

“Sounds good.” _Bed. That means pyjamas._ Light wasn’t used to sleeping fully dressed, but there was no way he was going to leave his pyjama top off anymore. Not now he knew for sure that he wasn’t what L wanted.

L opened the door to their bedroom. _That… that bed is massive._ Light sighed. _I guess that’s so he doesn’t have to sleep so close to me._

“So,” L said. “The bathroom should be here.” L opened another door, revealing an en-suite bathroom, which was just as huge as the bedroom. _Fuck_. Light looked around the room. _What idiot designed this?_ Gleaming white tiles covered the walls and the floor. The only colour in the room was the pale pink frosted glass of the twin shower cubicles. _Fuck. This is, this is going to be hell._ Light turned his attention to the far corner of the room. _Bathtubs? Two bathtubs?_ Light looked at L. _Why doesn’t he look horrified? He’s… he’s actually smiling. What the fuck?_

“L?” Light said. “Did you know about this?”

“About what, Light-kun?” L said, walking over to examine the shining silver taps of the nearest wash basin. _There’s two of everything in here... but, surely they can’t have known. This can’t have been intended for me and L!_

 “About this!” Light gestured wildly around them. “About that!” He grabbed L’s shoulder and turned him towards the showers. “About the total lack of privacy in this absurd room!”

“Are you done shouting now?” L said. _Why’s he looking so hurt? He must see how stupid this is._

“For your information, Light-kun, I designed this room,” L said. “And I don’t think it is absurd, at all.” L turned away. “You never seemed to need ‘privacy’ before.”

Light stared at L. _Is he... Is he fucking serious?_ “I, L...” Light sighed. “That was before, before I knew where I stood with you.”

“But you said we could go back to how we were.” L said, turning back to glare at Light.

“Fuck, L,” Light said. “Are you that thick? Or do you get some kind of sick thrill out of this? Do you like watching me suffer? I can’t, L. I don’t want be that fucking close to you now I know how you feel.”

“Light-kun, I do not like watching you suffer. I do not want you to suffer at all,” L said. “But it’s not like I’m going to be looking at you in the shower is it?”

“And what if I look at you?”

“Then you are a pervert,” L snapped, “and probably Kira.”


	10. Sunday 1st August 2004

Light leant back against the fluffy headboard and watched the duvet rise a fall with L’s breathing. He wasn’t sure if the detective was really asleep or just pretending, but he didn’t want to risk waking him to find out. _He was so quiet last night._ Light sighed. _What have I done wrong now? Is it just because I guessed his password? But it was so obvious! That smile of his is such a giveaway… No. He was annoyed with me before that. Is it… When I got upset?  Am I being too pathetic?_ Light took a deep breath. That was probably it. _It must be hard for him to watch me being miserable about this. I want him to be happy, so I guess that means I can’t… I can’t keep getting upset. Not, not in front of him, anyway._ _It’s just so- Fuck._ Light felt tears welling in his eyes. _Pathetic._ He tilted his head back and dug his finger-nails into the palms of his hands. The pain helped. It was something to focus on. A single tear escaped and ran down Light’s cheek. He pressed his tongue into the point of his right canine tooth, not too hard, but just enough. Light concentrated on the pain and controlling his breath. _So, I guess this works. If I can stop crying all the time, and if I don’t_ _show him how much I care… maybe he’ll cheer up a bit ._

 

#

 

L rolled over and stretched out. His feet touched something soft and warm.

“Hey! Shift over,” Light said, pushing L’s shoulder. “You’re going to knock me out of bed.”

 “Sorry,” L said, rolling over to face him. _Why is he smiling like that?_ L shuffled away, giving Light some more space.

“It’s fine, really,” Light said. “I was joking. Are you okay, L?” _Why wouldn’t I be? What’s wrong with him today? And why is he still smiling like a weirdo._ L shrugged and got out of bed.

“Are you… Are you still mad at me?” Light asked. “I’m sorry I insulted the bathroom, L. It’s lovely, really, it’s just… It just wasn’t what I’d expected.

“Light-kun,” L said. “Let’s just go and shower.” _Then you’ll have to take off that stupid pyjama top. I don’t like this. It’s like you’re hiding from me._

 

Light stumbled out of bed as L dragged him across the room. _What’s his hurry? He is still mad, isn’t he? But, surely, he can see how stupid the bathroom is? And he knows how I feel… so why isn’t he worried about privacy. It’s almost like he wants me to look at him. I thought he’d start wearing a pyjama top, now that I am, but it’s like he’s deliberately taunting me… No. He wouldn’t be doing it on purpose. He even said yesterday, he doesn’t want to hurt me. He’s just too innocent. He doesn’t understand._ Light sighed and followed L to the horrible, far too see through, showers.

 

L waited by the showers, but Light still didn’t take his top off. He just stepped into one of the cubicles. _This is getting ridiculous. He can’t be that self-conscious now, because of me. He’s got nothing to be self-conscious about._ L climbed into his own shower cubicle. _I thought if I kept being topless, maybe he’d get the message or… maybe he’d try to kiss me again._ _But perhaps he doesn’t like me anymore. He doesn’t look at me the same way and… I guess he regrets it. Maybe, now he knows how awful I am at these things, he isn’t attracted to me anymore… Or, maybe I’m just not being alluring enough? Should I try flirting with him? But, how does one flirt?_ L wriggled out of his pyjama bottoms and watched Light through the frosted glass. The pattern didn’t let him see anything too clearly, but Light had finally taken off that stupid pyjama top and was facing away from him. L was tempted to press his face against the glass, for a better look, but he couldn’t... He’d promised Light he wouldn’t look at all. Besides, if Light did turn around, L didn’t want to be pulling faces against the glass.

 

Light heard L’s shower turn on behind him. It was torture to know there was only glass separating them. But if her looked, L would think he was Kira. _I thought he didn’t suspect me as much anymore._ Light sighed. _I guess I was wrong._ He took off his pyjama bottoms and threw them over the door. _This is horrible. He could be watching me right now. He said he wouldn’t but… This is L._

 

#

 

Light was fed up and hungry. They’d been searching for the kitchen for almost two hours. L was adamant that there was one on their floor. Light believed him, but he suspected it was in the other direction. All they’d discovered this way were endless spare bedrooms, but L continued to drag him through corridors, opening each door they passed and grumbling when each one failed to reveal anything remotely edible.

“Please, L,” Light said. “Can we try the other way now?”

“No,” L snapped. “If we did that, it would probably turn out to be the next door along this way. We should do this methodically, Light-kun.” L stopped at yet another door. “This must be it!”

_Bet it isn’t. I bet it’s-_ “Aargh!” Light was yanked through the door behind L, as he tripped into what appeared to be a small cupboard. Light looked down to see L sprawled on the floor, looking up at him and blushing. Then the door slammed, and he couldn’t see anything at all.

“L?” he said. “Are you OK?”

“Yes,” L answered from somewhere at his feet. “I’m fine. Can you open the door, please?”

“Hang on,” Light said. “I’m looking for a handle… Um, L, I don’t think there is one on this side. We might be locked in here.”

“Don’t be stupid, Light-kun.” L said. “There must be a handle.”

“No,” Light said. “I think we- Fuck!”   _Why is he grabbing my thigh? Is he- Oh, okay… he’s just trying to get up and using me as support._

“What?” L said.

Light felt L’s other hand groping at his hip. _Don’t. Don’t even wonder where his face is right now. Just… Breathe Light. Just, oh fuck._  Light grabbed the hand from his hip and pulled L to his feet. He was sure he could feel L’s other hand following the contours of his body as he stood up. _You’re imagining things. It’s just because it’s dark and, and weird._

 

L could feel Light’s warm body only inches from his own. There was barely enough space for the two them to stand amongst the mops and cleaning supplies. _This is perfect!_ _If Light still finds me even vaguely attractive, he must be feeling this… this tension._ L took a deep breath and reached out one hand, searching for Lights face, ready to lean in and-.

“Ow!” Light gasped. “What the fuck was that for?”

“What?” L pulled his hand back.

“You just hit me in the eye!” _Oh dear. That wasn’t what I was trying to do._

“Sorry,” L said. “I’m so sorry Light-kun. Are you okay? I was, um… Where’s this stupid door handle?” _Idiot, L! You can’t do anything right, can you?_

L reached past Light, towards the door, pressing their bodies a little closer than was strictly necessary. _Damn. He’s right. There is no handle._

 

Light tried to focus on the smell of cleaning supplies, not L’s body. Not the way L’s hair was brushing against his shoulder. Not the feel of L’s breath on his neck.

“Light-kun,” L whispered.

“Yes,”

“Do you have your phone on you?”

“What? Oh, no, it’s in the bedroom,” Light said. “Do you have yours?”

“I have no pockets,” L said. “I am only wearing pyjama bottoms.”

_God, L, don’t remind me of that right now._ Light sighed. “So, we really are trapped then?”

“It would appear so,” L said. “Unless we kick the door down.” _Is he serious?_

“I, um, there’s not much space,” Light said.

L started kicking at the door. “Are you going to help or not?” he said. “I don’t want to hurt you.” _Yeah, right._ Light rubbed his eye. _I’ve heard that before._

“Why don’t you just let me do it?” Light said. “I’m nearer.”

L stopped kicking and Light felt him moving away, towards the back of the cupboard.

Light took a deep breath and slammed his foot into the door.

Suddenly he could see again. “Hah,” he said. “Down in one. We’re free!” He turned to smile at L, but the detective didn’t look pleased.

“Yes,” he snapped. “But, only because I had already weakened the door for you.”

“Whatever you say,” Light laughed. “Now, we are going this way.” Light strode down the corridor, dragging L behind him.

 

#

 

L rushed to the fridge and pulled it open. _What?_ He peered inside. _No cheesecake? No chocolate gateau? No... Nothing? But... I’m going to kill Watari._

“Light-kun,” he said. “I’m afraid there is nothing to eat.”

“But, the fridge looks full, from here.”

L crouched down to examine the bottom shelf. “Aha!” He pulled out a punnet of strawberries and ripped off the plastic cover.

“L!” Light said. “There’s plenty of food. We just need to cook it.”

L frowned. _But, I don’t cook. Watari knows that. Is he trying to mess with my diet again?_ L looked back into the fridge. _Broccoli?! I thought we were past this._

 

#

 

“Light, please,” L moaned. “I’m hungry.”

Light smiled and turned to face him. L was sitting awkwardly at the kitchen table, scowling at him. “It won’t take long,” Light said. “I promise you’ll like it.” _I hope you do anyway... My mum’s always telling Sayu the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Please like my cooking, L._

“What are you making then?” L demanded. _Well, at least he’s interested now._

“Pancakes, with strawberries and syrup.”

“The strawberries you wouldn’t let me eat?”

“Yes,” Light said. “The ones I could rescue from you, anyway.”

L made another indistinct noise. Light had decided these were a vital, but unintelligible, part of L’s sulking and had given up responding to them. Instead he poured the coffee he’d brewed into a large mug and carried it over to the table with a bowl of sugar cubes. _That should keep him occupied for a while, and perk him up._

“Thank you,” L mumbled, picking up one of the sugar cubes. He smiled. “Would you like to try one, Light-Kun.”

Light sighed and shook his head. _Not again. What are you trying to do to me, L?_

“Oh.” L looked down at the table. “okay.”

“Right,” Light said. “Well, I’m going to make the pancakes.” Light walked back to the kitchen counter and tried to ignore L’s unintelligible sulking.

 

 

 

“L? Are you asleep?” _Is the food ready?_ L opened his eyes.

“No, I’m not asleep, Light-kun,” he said. “What is it now?”

“It’s, um… it’s finished,” Light said, sliding a plate onto the table in front of him. “You can eat it now.”

“It’s about time!” L looked down and stared at the tower of fluffy, American style pancakes. “Wow. Light-kun, it looks amazing!” Light turned that perfect strawberry colour and sat down opposite L.

“Um, thanks,” he said. “But you should really try it before you say that.”

L stared back at the plate.

Light had layered the pancakes with strawberries, and covered the whole lot in syrup. _He really does know me quite well, now._ L sighed. _He’s gone to so much effort for me, and I still can’t tell him how I feel._ L picked up the fork Light had placed on the table and cut a chunk out of the pancake tower. It tasted as good as it looked.

“Mmmm...” L closed his eyes and licked syrup from his lips. “Light-kun, this is delicious,” he said. “Thank you.” He opened his eyes and smiled at Light. _He looks happy now. Did I do that? Is it because I said I liked the food?_ L frowned at the empty table in front of Light. “Aren’t you eating some?”

“No,” Light said. “I thought I’d make myself some toast, or something.”

“Why?”

 Light smiled. “I don’t really eat that much sugar, L.”

_Oh. But, we shared that chocolate-strawberry extravaganza... Didn’t he like it? Why did he let me order it if he doesn’t like sugary food? Was that… was he just being nice?_

“Please, try some,” L said. “It really is very good.” L stabbed the fork into a small section of pancake and a strawberry. He held it out. Light stared at him. _Please. Maybe, you will like this? It’s like… when you were feeding me, and before, with the sugar cube? This is sort of intimate isn’t it?_ Eventually, Light leant forward, across the table, and allowed L to feed him.

“It’s okay, I suppose,” he said. “But I think I’ll have some toast, all the same.”

L sighed. _This is too difficult. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I think, sometimes he watches me eating. Is eating sexy?_ L put another forkful into his mouth. It was delicious. _He did say something about my expression, and strawberry creams…_ Syrup dribbled down his chin. _Damn. I guess I messed that up._ L opened his eyes. Light was staring at him. He licked the syrup from around his mouth. _He’s still staring at me. Is that… is that good? Or does he think I’m ridiculous?_ L picked a strawberry out with his fingers and gazed into Light’s eyes as he licked it. _Come on, Light! Please! Do it again… Want me._

Light turned away. “I think I’ll make some toast,” he said.

 

#

 

Light glanced at his watch as L took his hand and led him out of what he claimed was their sitting room. _It’s only half seven? Damn. How many more rooms is he going to show me?_ _He… this is too weird._ Light brushed his free hand over his leg. _He… he can’t have sat on me by mistake. It was a huge sofa._

L had been acting strangely all day and Light was looking forward to going to bed. _At least the task force will move in tomorrow. I like being alone with him, but maybe with everyone else here, he’ll stop this… whatever it is._ _Because, it is not flirting. L is not flirting with me. He’s just… there must be some other explanation._ Light followed L down yet another corridor. _Perhaps he really does keep brushing against me by accident._ _And… he had something in his eye, like he said. He was not fluttering his eyelashes._

“Light-kun?”

“Yes, L?”

“Do you want to go to the gym? We have a private one, somewhere, I think.”

“Sure,” Light sighed. _Hang on, what? A gym? There’s no way he’s going to stop torturing me and put on a fucking shirt if he wants to go to the gym._ Light frowned. “I didn’t know you liked working out?”

“I don’t,” L said. “Exercise and training are boring, to me, but necessary. I just thought that, um, you might like to.”

_Great. He thinks I need to work out. I know I’m not as skinny as he is but… He really thinks I’m fat?_ Light took a deep breath and tried to stop the corridor blurring. He shoved his free hand into his trouser pocket and pressed his fingernails into his thigh. _Don’t cry in front of him, Light. You’re pathetic! This shouldn’t even make a difference._ Light sighed and blinked at the ceiling. _I knew he wasn’t attracted to me. It’s… it doesn’t… Just don’t think about it._


	11. Monday 2nd August 2004

“Really?” L whispered into the microphone on his headset. He looked behind him to check Light was still asleep. Then, he turned back to his laptop. “You think so?”

 “Look, L,” Matt’s voice crackled in his ears. “I’m sure he’s not that special.”

L glared into the webcam.

“What I mean,” Matt said. “Is, like… there are plenty more fish in the sea and all that. Really, I think you’re better off without him.” Matt glanced behind him and lowered his voice. “Believe me, relationships aren’t everything.”

“Matt,” L said. “Are you and Mello okay?”

“Yeah, we’re good. You know what Mell’s like though.” Matt smiled. “But, I guess you wouldn’t have seen it in Japan. The NHS started this new campaign about smoking and impotence. Mello’s… Well, he’s just taking a bit paranoid. He, um… He really wants me to quit.”

L frowned. “What did he do now?”

“You really don’t want to know,” Matt said, shuddering slightly. “Anyway, tell me more about this guy you like. what’s so special about him?”

 

Light woke up to the lovely sound of L’s voice. He frowned and tried to concentrate on the words. _English?_ _Who’s he talking to. Is he on the phone?_

“Well,” L whispered. “He’s about my height and he’s incredibly intelligent. He’s a bit younger than me but he’s so much stronger. He… he can pin me down with one arm and,” _Is he talking about me?_ “and he is an amazing cook.” _Really?_

Light sat up and leant over the bed. L was sitting on the floor. He appeared to in a video call with a ginger boy in goggles.

“I’m not that upset about it,” L said, presumably in reply to something the weird guy on screen had asked. “I’m just a bit down, but… I’ll be fine.” _Down? I thought he didn’t seem himself. Is it me?_ Light lay back down and yawned loudly.

 

L glanced back at the figure on the bed, still curled up under the duvet. “I think he’s waking up,” he whispered. “Bye Matt.”

“Oh my God!” Matt laughed. “You already slept with him. Just wait till I tell Mello about this!” L ended the call and closed the chat window. _Damn. Wammy’s is going to be hell next time._ He shut his laptop and stood up. _But, it’s not like I have anyone else to talk to._

“Good morning, Light-kun,” he said, heading towards the bathroom and dragging the teenager out of bed behind him.

 

#

 

L was not happy. Misa had insisted on a date with Light and, of course, that meant he had to tag along. He’d had a terrible morning already. _I should have arranged for me and Light to move in weeks before everyone else._ L jabbed his fork into the cherry on his cake. He’d argued with Watari again _. I don’t know why he’s being so horrible lately. He seems to hate Light-kun and now he’s trying to feed me vegetables. Again. I thought the Great Spring Onion Dispute of Ninety-nine had put him off for good._ L sighed. And then there was Light. L had been trying really hard but, if anything, Light had been even more distant than before. _I bet I’m still doing it wrong. I just... How do normal people learn it? Is there some sort of flirting school I missed out on? It’s... I can’t keep this up._ _It’s like he doesn’t want this. Maybe he doesn’t want me anymore. But, I’ve never been happier- well, I’m not particularly happy right now but... Overall, overall, I’ve never been happier. But, it’s just… it’s obvious Light hates being here like this and, well, I don’t want him to be my prisoner! I want him to be... I want... I want him to want to stay with me and... he did. He wanted me and I ruined it. That was probably my one chance ever and... I’m such an idiot!_

L looked up from his cake. Misa was glaring at him. There were moments when L was sure she knew how he felt about her boyfriend. L snorted. _She knows I love Light but he doesn’t know and I know Light doesn’t love her and she doesn’t know._ L glared back at her.

 

Light sighed. Misa was moaning about L’s presence again. _Stupid girl. L is the greatest detective in the world. Even you should be able to appreciate that. Anyone with half a brain would kill to spend time with L… kill? Where did that come from? Would I… would I kill to spend time with him? I…_ Light shook his head. _It’s just a figure of speech. I’m…_ He looked up.    _L’s planning something… Does that mean he’s cheered up a bit?_

“By the way Misa-san, will you be eating that cake?” L said.

_Cake? Of course, Misa won’t eat the cake, L._ Light smiled. _She’s a woman. She’s a model. She’s on a diet. She’s… she’s not you._  Light could almost predict her answer.

“Sweets are fattening. No thanks” she said. _Is she… she’s trying to imply that L is fat. That’s just rude. And ridiculous._  

“If you use your head,” L said. “You can eat sweets without gaining weight though.” _Don’t be silly, L. Misa can’t use her head, at all… and I don’t think anyone else on the planet uses as much brain-power as you._

 

L smiled. No matter how awful he felt, winning against Misa was fun. He glanced at Light. _At least he’s smiling now. I guess he doesn’t mind me winding her up. But, I still don’t understand why he’s going out with her. I just… if he isn’t Kira, then… why? It doesn’t make any sense._

“Ah! You’re making fun of me again,” Misa said. _Hmm… Why is she smiling at me like that? That can’t be good._ “Fine,” she said. “I’ll give you the cake.” _Well, obviously._ “So can Light and I be alone?” _Aha, so that’s your game!_ L smiled. _Not if I can help it._

“Even if you are alone,” he said. “I’ll be watching on the monitors, so it won’t make any difference.” L stood up on the sofa and reached over to take the cake.

_Stop it Light! Stop staring. He does not want you staring at his arse. He is just getting the cake. Pervert? Misa’s calling him a pervert, again? Is that the only insult she knows?_

“You may call me whatever you wish,” L said. “But I am taking your cake”

L sat down again. Light sighed and massaged his forehead. _Why is she still talking? Hang on, what? Under the covers? With her? And she calls L the pervert!_ Light smiled. _We all know who I’ll be getting under the covers in the dark with tonight._ He glanced at L, who was now eating the cake he had so magnificently stolen. He looked sad again. _What’s wrong with him? He’s been so… so subdued. It’s weird. Even when we’re alone, he’s not himself. He’s… okay, when we’re alone he’s just plain odd and… What? Is she talking to me now?_ Light sighed.

“Whatever,” he said, without taking his gaze from L. “We have this great facility now, yet you don’t seem very into it, Ryuzaki.”

“Into it?” L said. “Not really, I’m actually kind of depressed.”

“Depressed?” _Is it my fault? I… What? He’s giving up? On the case? This is… This isn’t like him. And if we give up the investigation… I’ll never clear my name!_ Light frowned. _Is he just trying to piss me off?_

 

L rattled out a long-winded explanation for his depression. He couldn’t tell them he was just past caring about the Kira case. All he wanted was to be chained to Light forever. _I don’t want to know if he’s-  I don’t know how I would- How I… if he…_  L shrugged. “Why even bother?” he said. “Trying hard to go after him just puts us in danger. Don’t you agree? I’ve thought I was going to die so many times already.”   _And it didn’t matter before. I never cared one way or the other, but… I guess now I don’t want to die… I’ve got a friend, at least and maybe… I don’t know. I just… I need to find a way and then-_

_What the hell?_ L’s head crashed against the wall and he landed in an awkward heap. _He punched me. Light punched me? I… that’s not fair._ L looked up. Light was walking towards him, shouting something about Kira. _Is this… Is it because I said I still think he’s Kira? But, he knew that, though. Didn’t he? We’re still handcuffed and… Although, I don’t know what to think anymore… I never told him that._

Light reached him and L sprang into action, kicking Light away. _This is ridiculous. He’s… he’s so bloody unobservant. He’d be a terrible detective. I’ve been trying so hard. I’ve been so obvious! And I just… and how the hell did I deserve to be punched?_ _Just because I’m feeling down he thinks it’s okay to hit me?_

“I’m only human,” L said. _What? Why the hell would I want him to be Kira? That’s just… or would he prefer that? Is that for the best?_

“I wanted you to be Kira,” L said. _Yes… It is probably best if he thinks that. It would be… I wouldn’t be- I’m not good for him. Even if I… No. This is for the best. He clearly doesn’t like me anymore, so, If he hates me… this would be… easier, I think? Then I could go back to being L properly… back to… to being lonely, but-_

. Light punched him, harder this time and L kicked him again. _Seriously? What the hell is wrong with him._

 

Light took a deep breath and prepared to hit L again. _Is this normal? I’ve never been in an actual fight but, this feels…_ Light grinned.  The adrenaline was a welcome change to the misery of the last few days.  _I don’t want to hurt him, but… he looks like- maybe he needs this as much as I do. He’s... I guess we’ve both been under a lot of pressure and, well, this is…  It’s like the tennis. It’s, it’s the most natural thing we’ve done in ages._

 

#

 

L flopped onto the bed. He felt strangely relaxed. More relaxed than he’d been in a long time. Perhaps the fight had helped.  It seemed to have calmed things a little. The afternoon had been, not pleasant exactly, but much easier than the morning. _At least we’re alone now._ When they’d finished work for the day, L had been worried that Misa would insist on spending more time with Light. He wasn’t sure how Light felt about what had happened between them, but he’d told Misa to go to bed and he hadn’t seemed reluctant to return to their own floor, where they would be alone.

“Light-kun?” L said. _I… maybe I can use this calmness to sort things out. I’m not giving up. Not now._

“Yes L?” Light lay down beside him and stretched out.

“Do you…” L took a deep breath. “Do you still feel the same? About me?” L felt his cheeks burn and he looked away.

 

_What?_ Light closed his eyes and rolled to face the door. _Why do you care? I… What answer is he looking for? I don’t… He didn’t want me to talk about it._  Light sighed. “Does it matter?”

“Yes,” L said. “It does matter.” Light felt the mattress shift as L moved. Then, soft, delicate fingers slipped under Light’s shirt and began tracing circles and patterns on his skin.

“That feels nice,” Light said. _This is… what? What does this mean? I…_ “Yes,” he sighed. “I still feel that way about you. I’m sorry, L. I can’t help it.”

 

“Don’t be sorry, Light-kun.” L pulled Light’s shoulder, gently rolling him onto his back.

He wanted to tell him. He wanted to kiss him. Instead, he found himself stroking Light’s hair. “I’m the one who should be apologising,” L said. “It wasn’t fair how I reacted the other day… I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know you didn’t mean to,” Light sighed. “You’re going to put me to sleep like that.”

L took a deep breath. “I… Light-kun, I...” He sighed. “Go to sleep then, and maybe… maybe I’ll tell you when you wake up. Light-kun? Light? I… Oh.” L smiled and continued to run his fingers through Light’s hair, as he watched him sleep.

 

#

 

Light woke up a few hours later. L’s arm was draped across his chest. L was asleep beside him. L was snuggled into his shoulder. _Am I dreaming?_ Light didn’t dare to move. He wasn’t exactly comfortable, having fallen asleep without changing into his pyjamas, but being comfortable was overrated. Discomfort was fine, if this was what he got in return. _This, it feels… It’s almost like he… like he wants me._ _Why else would he fall asleep like this? Like he’s… cuddling me?_ Light checked his watch carefully. It was gone midnight. _How long has he been asleep? I… Did he say he was going to tell me something?_ Light carefully rolled over to face the detective, moving slowly. He didn’t want L to wake up and move away. _This is nice._ Light looked into L’s face, admiring the dark lashes resting on his pale skin and those perfect lips, slightly parted as L slept. Light was tempted to kiss him, but he wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t going to mess it all up again, not now, not when things finally seemed to be looking up. Instead, Light wrapped his arm gently around L’s body, drinking in the warmth and the faint smell of strawberries. _I hope he doesn’t mind this… When he wakes up, I-_

“What time is it?” L whispered, hugging back.

“Nearly one in the morning,” Light said. “Sorry, L. I didn’t mean to wake you.” Light pulled away from the detective and brushed locks of dark hair away from his face.

“That’s okay,” L said. “I didn’t mean to doze off. I need to talk to you.” L pulled Light closer again and buried his face against Light’s chest. _What’s going on? This isn’t like him._

 “Did you say you were going to tell me something?” Light whispered. “Is this what you, um… what you meant?”

“Yes,” L said. “Light-kun I… I think, I may be-” Light felt L’s body inflate as he took a deep breath. “Inlovewithyou.”

Light froze. _What? I… What?!_

“L,” he breathed. “Did you, did you just… Um, did you say you… you love me?”

“Yes.”

 

L held his breath, waiting for Light to respond. It was a relief to have finally told him, but at the same time, it was terrifying. _I’ve never really… I told him something secret. It’s… this is very- Why isn’t he saying anything?_

“Light-kun?” L looked up.  Light was staring at him, his mouth opening and closing. Eventually, he seemed to give up on the goldfish impression. L’s heartrate jumped and he tried not to panic, as the Light rolled on top of  him. L swallowed. Light leaned towards him and L felt lips against his for the second time. Light was kissing him, again. _This isn’t like last time._ L closed his eyes and kissed back. _He’s gentle and careful and… this is nice._ After a few seconds, Light pulled away.

“I love you too, L,” he whispered. “More than anything.” Light lay back down beside L, staring at the ceiling and smiling. L rested his head on Light’s shoulder and held his hand beneath the duvet.

“I should have told you before,” he said. “I just… I didn’t know how.”

“It’s okay,” Light sighed. “I shouldn’t have been so… so pushy before.”

 

Light ran his fingers through L’s hair. _I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t… This is happening. This is-_

“Light-kun,” L said.  

“Mmm?”

“As you… Um, as you know,” L said. “I’m not very… Well, I’m new to this. These, um, these feelings, I don’t… I don’t really know how to be, well, um, intimate with… um, anyone.”

“Okay.” Light rolled over to face him. _God, he’s cute when he’s embarrassed._ “I know.”

“So, I,” L sighed. “I’m sorry, Light-kun, if I can’t… I can’t be quite what you um… I can’t be what you want. Well, not yet… anyway. I do love you, though, and I think… I think, in time maybe, perhaps I could-”

Light placed one finger on L’s lips and smiled.

“I know,” he said. “I know you’re new to this.” Light returned his hand playing with to L’s hair.  “But, I kind of like that. Trust me, L, you are exactly what I want.” Light smiled, feeling his own cheeks heating up. “And, I promise I won’t… I won’t rush you. We can take this slowly. I just… knowing you love me too is, well, amazing. I don’t need anything else.” Light pulled L into a tight hug. “Let’s just sleep now, okay? We’ll still be here, together, in the morning.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


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